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Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit (www.pcgamer.com)
submitted 2 years ago by to c/games@lemmy.world
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[–] 176 points 2 years ago (4 children)

They get him on the stand and the judge says " so Mr Newell, remembering you are under oath, when is Half Life 3 being released?"

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  • [–] 57 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    *Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

    "Just answer the question."

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  • [–] 43 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

    I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

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  • [–] 37 points 2 years ago* (1 child)

    "Objection, relevance?"

    "Public interest."

    (Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

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  • [–] 20 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

    "Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

    "Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

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  • [–] 12 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    “Bailiff, seize him.”

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  • [–] 37 points 2 years ago*

    Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

    Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.

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  • [–] 14 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    "There is no Half-Life 3, there will be no Half-Life 3."

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago

    If this happened I think Gabe would just say "it's not happening, not at least the way you all want" and then we get some half life cyberchip augmented reality game in another 15 years (it is good though)

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