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[–] 1 point 1 day ago

And that's how you know Peacemaker is the real deal. Of course he'd suck those dicks. Who's first, come on!

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  • [–] 152 points 4 days ago (4 children)

    That’s factually false.

    He can save a lot of humans every day by doing something humanitarian and does not.

    The only logical inference is that his motivation is not saving humans but killing apes.

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  • [–] 71 points 4 days ago (1 child)

    Yep, lol.

    Would you kill all apes to save one human? "Sure!"

    Would you donate $500 to save one human? "Fuck no!"

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    [–] 164 points 4 days ago (10 children)

    Humans are apes.

    This is a very simple concept, folks.

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    [–] 31 points 4 days ago (10 children)

    How exactly are we more.important?

    Earth probably hates us and thinks we're parasites.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 days ago

    Earth doesn't think.

    It has existed long before us, it will exist long after us, if it could think it's thoughts on us are little more than "that bug bite itches"

    We don't matter to the Earth, never have, never will.

    But the Earth should matter to us, not through some idea of protecting it, it will survive basically anything we throw at it, but from the idea of protecting ourselves - we're in a Goldilocks zone and that can reach a point of being too hot or too cold, that we won't survive it.

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    [–] 97 points 4 days ago (5 children)

    I'll wager he's also done sweet fuck all to save any human

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    [–] 27 points 4 days ago (3 children)
  • [–] 3 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    Matt Walsh is religious if I'm not mistaken. And religious folks really don't think we're apes and get offended for saying so because it goes against the Abrahamic teaching that god made us. I remember saying to a religious fanatic that we are apes and she called me an ape but i was like: "Yeah, we are. That's what I'm telling you." Admitting that we are apes and thus animals would mean discarding the idea that humans have dominion on nature and animals as stated in the bible. And there is nothing worse for the religious (humans in general) than losing dominance.

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    [–] 44 points 4 days ago (1 child)

    I’d punch one Matt Walsh in the face to save all humans from having to read this fucking drivel.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    So this guy would make apes extinct to save Hitler? Fucking nazi simps.

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    [–] 16 points 3 days ago

    I think the proper rephrasing should be, "Would you suck one ape dick to save every human?"

    It is physically possible (unlike "every" ape dick) and shapes up as a lose-lose: OP's either a hypocrite or an ape-dick sucker.

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  • [–] 40 points 4 days ago (5 children)

    I think the environmental knock-on effect of wiping out all gorillas might cause more than one human to die in the future, directly or indirectly.

    Also, gorilla dicks are small and they cum pretty much instantly, so you could easily get through all gorillas on Earth in an afternoon. Matt Walsh might get it done in 20 minutes, what with his extensive experience of sucking huge amounts of dick on Twitter.

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    [–] 40 points 4 days ago (3 children)

    Its always "I'm willing to kill for my pet peeve", its never "I'm willing to die without hurting anyone else for my pet peeve"

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    [–] 22 points 4 days ago*

    As if Matt Walsh would save LGBTQ, non-Christians and people of color

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  • [–] 44 points 4 days ago (3 children)

    nancy reagan sucked a ton of dicks and we still got the crack epidemic

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    [–] 11 points 4 days ago* (2 children)

    i had an exclusive tour of a preserve in the congo because my sister was dating this guy who worked there (she loves BBC for some reason), and i met a few gorillas up close and personal. you're never gonna believe this one, but one of them (her name was gretchen) shared a peach with me because she was full, and while i was eating it--are you ready?--she wrapped one arm around me in a warm embrace; that soft exterior gave way to a burst of sugary nectar that tasted as sweet as anything out of a factory with 50g of sugar, including coca cola and little debbie.

    but it was the love that made it so sweet.

    i've never even felt that kind of unconditional love out of my children; that kind of love that's sprouted from seeds planted by a hand with a deep understanding of the human condition, with all of its pains and glories; you don't need the cosmos when you're so in touch with the ragged soil of earth.

    my son and daughter told me they hate me because i wouldn't buy them a ps5 and this was after i built a totally modern gaming rig and sprung for the best graphics card and a 4tb SSD that they refuse to fill up all the way because piracy is immoral. but they wanted to play the new persona, and i love them, so i bought them the ps5 and they haven't changed their attitude. now they want veja sneakers even though the new balance t500 has a sleeker silhouette, a timeless vintage style and costs $100 less.

    i still think of getchen from time to time and how she had a better figure than my wife.

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    [–] 31 points 4 days ago

    They are always eager for violence, but paying for universal healthcare? Food and housing? Suddenly, they spew some bullshit about personal responsibility or somerhing.

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  • [–] 26 points 4 days ago (2 children)

    Who would kill every Matt Walsh to save one ape, tho?

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    [–] 21 points 4 days ago* (1 child)

    Humans are apes so I assume this means he'll kill every last one of us to save himself.

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    [–] 23 points 4 days ago*

    taken further this is: "i'm the most important human of the humans to me ... thus i will kill all of you to save me" absolute psycho type shit

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  • [–] 5 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    "no it would take to long" is what I would answer if I was him

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  • [–] 11 points 4 days ago

    He gets to save a human and suck every ape's dick!

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