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[–] 278 points 2 years ago (5 children)

For those curious, from Wikipedia:

Giving birth is difficult for female hyenas, as the females give birth through their narrow clitoris, and spotted hyena cubs are the largest carnivoran young relative to their mothers' weight. During parturition, the clitoris ruptures to facilitate the passage of the young, and may take weeks to heal.

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  • [–] 99 points 2 years ago* (2 children)

    Eve: “So, what’s she do to piss off god?”
    Serpent: “you don’t even wanna know.”

    Eh the Christian god really is an asshole,

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  • [–] 54 points 2 years ago (2 children)
  • [–] 34 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I’m with the other person… if it was intelligent design… it was some world creation game and we’re in a speed run save.

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  • [–] 29 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Or we have the equivalent of some Spore player who likes to make fucked up creatures for the sake of it

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  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    assume infinite time and n number of ants: eventually Langton's ants will highway-draw the post on your screen

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  • [–] 26 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Abrahamic* to be precise. They're all the same asshole, just different names. (And, even that was listed from earlier cultures' traditions, FFS. Lazy, unoriginal, and fucking stupid? That tracks for religion all around, really.)

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  • [–] 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    I love how the gen 1 creation story basically reads like schoolboys one upping their friends about how great their dad is.

    “Yeah. Well, my god made the world and everything in it! and he took a nap on. The seventh day!!!

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  • [–] 16 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Swap out "schoolboys" with "old fear-mongering pervs", and you're even closer to the historical truth.

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  • [–] 12 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    well, they were old fearmongering pervs, no doubt.

    I was just referring to the simple fact that the creation account was a cloned copy of all the others... just wit that squeaky "Yeah well my dad's twice the fireman your dad is" vibe. Sad they used their supposed power of their god to justify rampant invasions and genocide. (which they failed at the genocide because they were too busy raping...)

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  • [–] 5 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    They didn't fail at genocide. That's not an absolute, it's a process. They may've failed at outright extinction most often (though some scattered empires of old would point out that they were destroyed by religion), but genocide is an inalienable aspect of every single religion known to mankind. Right up there with molesting children and blatantly plagiarizing "sacred" text whole cloth from other grifter "holy" men.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago

    Fun fact, there's a metaphorical dick-measuring contest in the bible, 1 Kings 18, 21 onwards (had to google it). Basically, Elijah wanted to prove GAHD was greater than Baal. Long story short, GAHD proved HE could light firewood that's been dumped with water 4 times, while Baal was busy ignoring his followers from dawn to midday.

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  • [–] 85 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    I uh... I was expecting it to be something like they eat a percentage of their own babies or something. Fuck that. Sounds like it would feel like giving birth through a penis.

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  • [–] 57 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    Fun fact: Female hyenas have a pseudopenis that prolapses into a dick that they rape their brothers with when they’re young

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago (1 child)
  • [–] 55 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    b4oi5phlztu71-2836181477

    This might help.

    Female Hyena's have what is called a pseudo-penis. Which is used for sex and urination, as well as giving birth.

    Obviously giving birth splits it open fucks your whole year / life up.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    My only question is: why would they evolve like that?

    Or alternatively, what the fuck were they before that gave birth like this?

    Anti Commercial-AI license

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  • [–] 1 point 2 years ago

    Probably just "regular" mammals.

    Mammals have a lot of weird dick things. Some bats have gone from penetrative sex back to just like touching genitals because their dicks are so huge they literally don't fit anymore.

    https://www.livescience.com/animals/bats/bats-with-weirdly-giant-penis-have-sex-for-up-to-12-hours-in-a-way-never-seen-in-mammals-before

    So having a impractically huge dick was more important for some reason.

    Guess something similar happened with hyenas vis-a-vis having become matriarchal at some point.

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  • [–] 42 points 2 years ago (3 children)
  • [–] 60 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

    Hyenas are matriarchals and they fucking deserve it.

    Edit: They deserve their social position, not being ripped apart if that wasn't clear

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  • [–] 61 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    The original message and the explanation were a rollercoaster for me. Not going to lie

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