It would, lol, but I was going for the lowest common denominator on this one. The “omg dad, that is the stupidest joke I have ever heard” dad joke, rather than the extended pun kind. But maybe I should work up a blood bank version, for those who want juicier content.

“Welcome to gaslighting 101! Please take a syllabus from the pile you will [not] find by the door, which will [not] include your instructor’s contact information and office hours.”

...is it bad that as a trans man who knows nothing about electrical connectors, I still find this rant relatable? You'd think there would be some kind of terminology for getting your equipment to play with your other equipment, but no, and don't even get me started on what happens when it has to interface with organic systems...

Yeah, at first I was like, "well, they probably have a separate receiving email, which is not that weird..." but on a paper letter?! Send them back an ad for fire insurance or something. (Not shredded paper, that can damage post office sorting equipment).

"I was sure my new bustle would make my butt look bigger than Amelia's, but she showed up to the first ball this season with the biggest lobster tail I've ever seen! Her train was a solid three feet behind her, and all the men in the room were staring!

Probably they just wanted to see her bump into something (she hit a gentleman's knee once, but I think that was on purpose, may she rot in Hell), but still. I had to sit out half the dances, and it was the most humiliating experience of my life."

Megoosa is the best (or, more likely, worst, lol). Geese are scary af when I run into them in the park, because they are way taller and louder than expected, and they strut right up to me like, "Hey, I know you've got bread. Hand it over, or we will peck off all your minor appendages."

…an entire mouse, eh? Obviously this is the ur-text for those ads where someone sticks a smartphone in a blender and only the blender survives.

Possibly relatedly, is this a good place to mention beans? I have not figured out where that meme actually came from, but apparently it’s a thing the cool kids are saying.

I have not felt like eating at any point today, so I haven't. But I ate lots yesterday? I will probably eat a bunch of random stuff later.

Extra credit if you yourself are a small, furry animal. By almost any definition of "small," "furry," and "animal."

Carrots are root vegetables, so they can't be expected to have any executive function. Leafy vegetables do a little better. Lettuce and cabbage are said to form "heads" because they have a little more intellectual fiber than other edible plants.

Agreed. Smashing the patriarchy should not involve restrictions on skirt spinning.