Everything in Blackadder

Once they've got that, move on to Malcolm Tucker level insults

Wanker is solid. Ballbag, a personal favourite Bellend, but you may have that already. Shitebag, Scottish one Useless as a chocolate teapot

Fuckwit is a traditional insult that I have found is often quickly taken into new arrivals hearts. My guess is, this is because it unites two words with very old IndoEuropean roots.

I was in Malaysia once and a got chatting to a guy who didn't have the best English. He asked me for another way to say "I'm only joking" and I taught him to say "I'm only having a giraffe", which he managed in broken English ("Having a jee raff") I hope one day he says that to an Englishman and confuses him thoroughly.

do these count

Introduce them to the Muppets.

The use of "You Muppet(s)!" is one of my favourites.

(It effectively means "Adorable/endearing idiot")

Numpty, plonker, twat, div, pratt

Smeghead Or cockwomble.

I hope to get a British person to call me a knob one day.

• Spanner - idiot
• Weapon - idiot
• Muppet - idiot
• Nesh - wimp/soft
• Snide - Nasty/Evil/Cunt