What a great question!

I have friends that are closer emotionally than others. I think it's fine to have more casual friends that are there for things like lunch dates or catching up here and there. And it's good to have friends that you can emotionally connect with and have deeper conversations. I don't think all friends need to be at the same level of friendship all the time.

I don't think you're being unreasonable for recognizing what you do want out of a friendship! If what you need right now is more depth, it's okay to step away from a friendship that isn't serving you.

You could also try a crack at radical honesty here! How do you feel about saying to your friend, "Hey, I have really been enjoying hanging out with you - I think I feel safe to be more open about how I feel about things with you. How do you feel about taking our friendship 'to the next level' so to speak?" or something along those lines.

This is tricky ... some people just aren't comfortable talking about feelings freely.

That doesn't mean they're not a good friend, just that they're not that sort of friend.

If you need a more emotionally open friendship you may well be better served by looking for a new friend.

I feel like friends are those you can open up emotionally to, talk with about various topics i depth, calling each other fools (affectionately) but always being there for each other when you need them, even if you've not seen each other much.

I would struggle being friends with someone who I couldn't talk about feelings with, looking back I feel like that has been a massive part of my friendships. Both ways. My friends will quite frequently seek me out as the one to vent to, and I'll help them feel validated, acknowledging their feelings and the depth of the situation they're in etc.

Maybe your friend isn't very emotionally mature? Or are they possibly feeling overwhelmed by life and can't hold space right now, for others emotions. I've certainly felt like that after some very emotionally devastating dating experiences.

Personally I would ask about it. I would probably say something like, I notice you're not hugely responsive to emotional conversations (or an example of one) do you mind if I ask you about that? How do you feel about those kinds of conversations?

I suppose ultimately it puts you in a position to make decisions on whether or not you can compartmentalise this friendship, and worst case scenario, meet her where she is. Can you meet her where she is and be in a more superficial friendship?