Might I introduce you to the good old Dutch tradition of swearing with diseases?

Tuberculosis ("tering!"), typhoid ("tyfus!"), cholera ("klere"), mange ("schurft"), smallpox ("pokken") are pretty cool and acceptable. Cancer used to be common but that's rather fallen out of fashion. You can also combine it with religious swearing AND reproductive organs for a trifecta.

"Godverdetyfuskutzooi" is just a beauty, but "goddamtyphoidvaginamess" doesn't work in English.

#why do they #talk like this #?

Australia has you covered

"strewth" "mate" "maaaaate" "shit a brick" "you little ripper" "bonza" "bloody oath"

Friend of mine refuses to cuss. She makes up childish ones in their place.

One day we were playing League of Legends and she fucked something up then said: "Son of a biscuit bean-dip mother-frito!!!" I'd never say it in place of a good "oh fuck me, then" but I will never forget it for as long as I live.

"Hex me purple" is the one I use when teaching.

There is also "aww skyte" which is gibberish, but it feels right.

I guess technically "By the Nine" is a religious exclamation.

Anyone else who remembers this better from "Cow &chicken" correct me, but this is what I recall "dad" exclaiming:
"Well, shave my legs and call me grandpa"

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!

What in tarnation?

Having swears that hit hard that aren't:

A) homophobic
B) sexist
C) religious
D) sexual
E) body parts
F) bigoted/slurs
G) demeaning or punching down

is difficult and very rare.

I hypothesize following some of these patterns but punching up at those/that which is unethical/bad whilst avoiding immortalizing that which doesn't deserve it, for true disrespect.

I think that by novelly correcting the common lexicon, we can attempt to redirect/rewrite values in society that need to change, by utilizing shame and rhetoric in a way that is more constructive than things like putting down healthy human acceptance, trauma, or class struggles.

I like "shit on it!" but that might just be because I recently watched Friday Night Dinner.

"Oh shit on it. Shit on the shitting thing!'

I have a bunch of these I came up with for a DND character I played for a while. Try to read this with a deep southern accent.

Well, paddle my ass and call me a sailboat

Well, spit in my mouth and call me a saxophone

Well, fill me with meat and call me a sandwich

It's a shit fuck of a dick fight. Need to trade out fuck, I guess...

"Shit on the fuck!" has lodged in my brain. Distinctly remember laughing at someone saying it in the r/Homestuck discord, during the premiere of [s] GAME OVER.

Also reach for Justin Rozniak's "It's gone poorly."

Fuck me sideways and call me craig

My favourite so far is an Irish character saying "shit the bed" with a Corkish accent.

What in the name of absolute fuck?

Also, don't undervalue the satisfaction of going into a full Yosemite Sam litany of nonsense: "Hazzen frazzen jimpin jampin frazzle bazzle mizzen mazzen grizzle bizzle...!!!"

Uff

Weiß ich ja nicht

Tja

Machste nix

Fick mich in den Arsch und nenn mich Jesus

"Bugger me with a fish fork!"

"By the tits of my ancestors!"

Exclamations I used to say:
"Big black bats!" - something to do with Batman or something?
"Great Qubits!" - I liked quantum physics, because I didn't understand it

Insults and exclamations I say now:
"Eat a (some kind of weapon)!" - Fancy way to tell someone "kill yourself". Like "Eat a grenade", "Eat a gun"
Random syllables that sound like Klingon mixed with Slavic and Hebrew - I speak none of those languages, but still say stuff like "Vzer krakh!" when I get annoyed by popups.
"Koskenkorva!" - the Finnish vodka-like drink. I don't even drink that.

Breaking the "non-religous" constraint, because i want to:
"Jesus Christ in a tank!" - In response to something very surprising that I can't remember

Saving the best for last: Captain Haddock interjections.
"Ten thousand thundering typhoons!"
"Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles!"
"Addlepated lumps of anthracite!"
"Antediluvian bulldozer!"
"Bashi-bazouks!"
"Pompous popinjay!"
"Pockmark!"

Jeepers

Darwin's Beard!

Anything can be an exclamation if you put an exclamation mark at the end! 😃

In Derry Girls, the girls all walked into the kitchen where there was a visiting plumber they thought was hot (he wasnt), and one said "Well, fook me sideways!" I've been using that regularly ever since.

You can't go wrong with borrowing from Gus Chiggins, Old Prospector. "Ahhh peaches!" "Ohhh pickle juice!" "Awww cinnamon and gravy!"

https://youtu.be/cKoIESw1tdM

From my martial arts days: ish! It was the default thing to use when kids or visitors were present in the dojo.

But, things line ishkabibble, googoogamooga, well spank my ass and call me charlie, or others have a great spot for things like hammering your thumb

Oh! Shit fire and save matches

Fun fact: An archaic word for these is "ejaculations". Now, imagine 12 year old me, having read old British fiction from like 1700s-1800s and picking up on archaic words like that and using them in front of my peers.

I didn't have a pleasant childhood. heh.

Also, "golly" was mentioned as a non-religious one, but "golly" ultimately comes from "God", so… alas, it doesn't qualify.