TL;DR: Disagree with ideas without disrespecting people. Bring receipts. Leave each other with dignity. No pile-ons. No mobs. No manufactured outrage.

I want this community to be a refuge from outrage culture. Most gaming spaces reward dunks over dialogue. We will not. We can be blunt without being cruel. We can be funny without punching down. We can be passionate without turning every thread into a bonfire.


What civility is

Here are ten concrete behaviors we value. Each one is an action you can take right now.

  1. Kindness in delivery
    Speak to people the way you want to be spoken to. Direct is fine. Cruel is not.

  2. Assume good faith
    Start with the idea that the other person is trying. Ask a clarifying question before you accuse.

  3. Critique ideas, not people
    Target the claim, the code, the test, the footage, the source. Never the person who posted it.

  4. Bring specifics
    If you disagree, show your settings, hardware, OS, repro steps, or a timestamped clip. Replace vibes with details.

  5. Be flexible
    It is fine to revise, retract, or say you were wrong. That is strength here.

  6. Consider other contexts
    Different rigs and budgets change outcomes. State your constraints and read theirs.

  7. Encourage contribution
    If someone is new or unsure, help them level up. Suggest edits. Share links. Invite better.

  8. De-escalate
    If heat rises, slow down. Ask what would resolve it. Move from public to DM when helpful. Step away if needed.

  9. Respect boundaries
    No demands for personal info. No thread-jacking DMs. Stop when someone says stop.

  10. Stay on topic
    Keep replies aimed at the subject of the thread. Start a new post if you want a different debate.


What civility is not

These are behaviors that undermine discussion. Ten clear no-gos.

  1. Tone policing
    Dismissing the content of a message because you dislike the way it was said. Engage the point. Do not ignore it because the tone is blunt, frustrated, or emotional.

  2. Gaslighting
    Denying clear words or lived experience to score a point. If someone says a remark felt hostile, listen first.

  3. Dogpiling
    A crowd repeating the same dunk at one person. Even if each post is mild, the effect is harassment.

  4. Gatekeeping
    Purity tests. Real fan nonsense. Credential checks to join a conversation.

  5. Vote brigading
    Coordinating upvotes or downvotes on or off site. Let posts rise or fall on their own.

  6. Personal attacks
    Insults, name-calling, questioning motives by default. Compare ideas, not worth as a human.

  7. Bad-faith tactics
    Straw-manning, quote-mining, sealioning, or moving goalposts. Ask fair questions and accept fair answers.

  8. Identity attacks
    Slurs, dehumanizing language, or targeting someone’s identity. Zero tolerance.

  9. Doxxing or privacy violations
    Sharing private info, hints, or screenshots from private spaces without consent.

  10. Baiting and derailments
    Low-effort provocations, meta drama, and off-topic gotchas that drown the original subject.


Clear examples

Green examples
• “Your benchmark misses shader cache. Here are my steps and numbers.”
• “This reads like marketing. Can you add specifics and sources”
• “Title says native Linux. Store page says Proton. Can we update the title for accuracy”
• “I could not repro the stutter on 580. Pop!_OS, 32 GB RAM, Nvidia 535, Proton GE 9-10.”

Yellow examples
Context matters. Delivery matters.
• Sarcasm used once to defuse tension
• A single spicy joke aimed at a trend or corporation
• Firm mod note that asks for edits

Red examples
• “You sound like an AI/ad copy.”
• “Touch grass.”
• “Everyone downvote this clown.”
• “Real gamers do not play on easy.”
• “You always lie.”


How to disagree well

  1. Start with a steelman: “If I am reading you right, your claim is…”
  2. Ask one clarifying question before you counter.
  3. Bring evidence. Benchmarks, logs, timestamps, sources.
  4. State your setup and constraints. OS, GPU, resolution, controller.
  5. Propose a path forward. “If the goal is 60 on mid-range, here is what worked for me.”

Humor, snark, and heat

Jokes are welcome. Keep the punchline pointed at ideas, systems, hype cycles, and corporate nonsense. Do not make your fellow members the target. Roast the console war, not the poster.


Tone feedback without tone policing

You can ask for clearer delivery without erasing content.
• Good: “I want to engage your point. The sarcasm is making it hard to parse. Can you restate the claim”
• Bad: “Your tone is rude, so I will ignore your argument.”


Bystanders: how to help

• Add signal. Share data that resolves the dispute.
• Defuse. “What would fix this for you”
• Report harassment instead of joining it.
• Offer quiet support in DM if someone is getting piled on.
• If you have nothing to add, keep scrolling. Restraint is a contribution too.


Mod approach

We weigh intent and impact. Patterns matter more than one hot moment.

Common actions
• Gentle nudge in-thread
• DM asking for an edit or clarification
• Remove a comment or prune a branch of replies
• Lock a thread that is melting down
• Limited time-outs for repeat issues
• Bans for clear malice or refusal to course-correct

Not every violation is a ban. Not every heated moment gets a lock. We choose the lightest action that protects people and lets good discussion continue.


Appeals

Think we got it wrong
• DM a mod with links and a short explanation
• Add context we might have missed
• If we missed, we fix. Reversals happen


Quick self-check before you post

  1. Am I attacking the idea instead of the person
  2. Did I include enough detail to be useful
  3. Would I say this the same way face to face
  4. Will this add light or only heat
  5. If I am wrong, can I edit without ego

FAQ

Can I be blunt
Yes. Be clear without being cruel.

Can I swear
Yes. Do not weaponize it at people.

Can I call something low effort
Critique the post, not the poster. “This needs sources” beats “You are lazy.”

Is satire allowed
Yes, if the butt of the joke is an idea or a trend, not a member.

What about off-site drama
Do not import it here. Summarize only what is needed to discuss the topic itself.

Can I compare someone to an AI
No. That is dismissive and dehumanizing. Explain the problem with the content instead.


In short

Civility is our floor, not our ceiling. We are here to build useful threads, share knowledge, and enjoy games together. If behavior turns toxic, it is a Rule #1 issue. We will act. If you go too hard, own it and adjust. That is how we keep this place better than the average gaming mud pit.

all 20 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[+] 8 points 10 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] [S] -3 points 10 months ago* (3 children)

    It is clear you are brigading from a different thread since you’ve admitted so on that thread.

    If you want to know why that person was banned, it was because I saw they were part of a vote brigade.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago* (1 child)

    I scrolled through all and found the PTB thread, many other threads about charlie kirk, and eventually found this thread. The PTB thread when i read it did not have any link to this thread, or any suggestion of brigading.

    I have not voted in either thread, and did not comment on PTB. I am commenting here to say that admitting having seen the PTB thread is not an admission of brigading. Both posts are visible in 'all"

    I hope your expansion of what civility is and what it is not helps the community

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 0 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    No, that thread had a screenshot of my username. And the previous commenter deliberately mentioned me in that thread in relation to this one. He would likely not have commented here if that thread didn’t already exist.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (1 child)

    i didn't commit your username to memory and only looked at this thread because i saw it was about 'civility' which was the issue from the PTB thread. It is interesting to see how communities respond to things like this so a post about civility is interesting. I don't agree simply admitting to having seen that thread is brigading as commonly understood. Brigading to me is a focused call to action where that action is undesirable and uncivil.

    I think dismissing the other person's comment solely because of 'brigading' is failing to find any legitimate point they may have. If i could give some feedback it would be that nothing we do as community leaders is infallible, and even people we disagree with can have valid points that lead to a better community.

    Best of luck again, I'll see myself out.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 1 point 10 months ago

    He mentioned me on that thread within seconds of writing the comment on this thread. This was not a situation of him just casually perusing All, stumbling by two threads through happenstance.

    If someone clearly enters a thread for the purposes of discussing metadrama in a post that was written elsewhere, that is brigading.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Could you point out how this is brigading? You simply said that they posted about this in another thread, but external thread discussion isn't brigading. Brigading would be calling for others to some action, but I don't particularly see that, unless I am mistaken about the origins of the term.

    At the very least, this looks like no one can criticize your behavior in other threads, which does give the hint of mod abuse, no? I would think it would fall under "off topic", but considering that this thread is about rules, rules enforcement feels like it falls in there, too, so could you please explain further?

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    External thread discussion is not brigading when the participants stay on that thread.

    But when they’re referred from that external thread and decide to participate here for the purpose of metadrama, that is brigading.

    Put succinctly: anyone who comes here from a metadrama community to generate further drama—that is brigading.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I think I disagree. If someone sees an issue and posts to a thread about it and then asks you in a separate thread related to the issue, would it not be prudent to assume good faith in asking? It might be manufacturing drama, but it is entirely on topic to discuss rules enforcement on a rules enforcement thread. I checked the post history, and it doesn't feel like there was any call to action other than that there was a perceived injustice by the poster, but that, to me, doesn't make it brigading.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 0 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Nope, not if it’s from a metadrama thread.

    Something doesn’t need to be blatant for brigading to exist. It just needs to be from a place where people who delight in drama may want to stoke more of it.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago (1 child)

    I think you do not follow your own rules if you think that. I would agree with the others that you probably do abuse your privileges then.

    I'll leave now.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 0 points 10 months ago*

    On the contrary, I gave the commenter two clear chances to clarify that he was not here to stir up drama. At any point, he could have simply said, “You’re mistaken—I’m not here for metadrama.” Instead, his response was “So?”—which made his intent obvious. Only after that confirmation did he receive a ban.

    To people who are abusive, any moderation is always deemed abusive—because it curbs their abuse. But let me be absolutely clear: this community does not exist for outrage. It exists to talk about video games, and to build a culture that values civility and genuine conversation.

    Further, this post is meant as a signpost—not law. Just because someone skirts the rules without blatantly breaking them doesn’t mean they’re out of reach for moderation. I judge situations case by case, because real communities require nuance, not loophole-hunting.

    If that’s not what you want, that’s fine. This community is not for everyone. Participation here is a privilege, not an entitlement. And that privilege is only extended to those who choose to engage in a civil, respectful way.

  • source
  • parent
  • [+] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] [S] 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 child)

    You’re here because you were referred by another community. You even participated in that thread and explicitly mentioned me.

    Since you’re clearly here to participate in metadrama, I’m afraid you’re not welcome.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 child)

    I'm not too sure how keeping kindness in delivery can be compatible with disallowing tone policing. I am not really sure where the line would stand for tone policing. I usually report posts with personal insults and don't engage with them personally. In general when I feel uncomfortable with the way something is presented (whether I think it's actually rule-breaking and uncivil or something that is allowed that having a problem with gets you tossed in the tone policing box) I disengage and remove myself from the situation, but I am still curious what the correct option is to take if I didn't just disengage every time. I can't tell the line between "if you have a problem with this and think the person is behaving badly and call it out, you are just tone policing" and "this person is being uncivil". It's entirely possible to be insulting and nasty and uncivil without ever saying anything quite as on-the-nose as "User85383 is a piece of shit", and I'm not sure where the line is. I have seen so so much "like the taste of that boot?" on Lemmy in response to posts I disagree with, so I'm not raising this question in outrage after being called that. I'd still consider that uncivil and a personal insult, but would others judge it that way too?

    I'll be honest here, I've gotten called a tone policer (somewhere off Lemmy). I don't want to be the big bad oppressive evil tone policer so I have learned almost any time I am uncomfortable with language that "punches up" I should disengage. I also don't want to see that talk, so I disengage. I am almost always the minority group reading punching up at a majority group and being made very uncomfortable by "all X are Y" language. Especially if it's a group that you cannot choose to join and are simply born into, and are stuck with that for life.

    I don't want to be the evil silencer of minorities so I always always avoid spaces meant for my own demographics now because those are reasonable places to expect harsh venting, but in a much more general purpose place where the conversation naturally turned to minority subjects, I've tried to call out that type of talk and gotten called out myself for tone policing and I'm genuinely not sure who was in the right there and would like to know. This is a general purpose place for gaming so I feel it's an applicable situation.

    I say this all as someone who admittedly has a ton of trouble with harsher tones in general, is overly sensitive, and has little experience with social conflict despite me putting myself out there and being an extrovert.

  • source
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I'VE SEEN YOUR BANS, CHILD

  • source
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] -2 points 10 months ago

    This account came here from PTB with the intent of stirring metadrama. That’s brigading, and under Rule #1: Be Civil, it’s a violation.

    Civility isn’t about being polite for its own sake—it’s about contributing in good faith. That means respecting others, encouraging real discussion, and assuming positive intent. What it is not: dragging in outside fights, provoking conflict, posting in bad faith, or using this space to manufacture outrage.

    This community is actively moderated. Participation is a privilege, not a right. The goal is to protect those who want constructive conversation, which means removing those who come here only to disrupt.

  • source
  • parent