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I'm a proud American, but if my country decides to go all-in on the crazy, I know where I stand... (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 years ago by to c/noncredibledefense@sh.itjust.works
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[+] 126 points 2 years ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (12 children)
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    [–] 94 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Here me out on this:

    1. Join the war on the US side
    2. Be really bad at your job, causing tons of friendly fire accidents
    3. Defect to Canada before they catch you
    4. Enjoy some well earned pancakes with authentic maple syrup

    If you go to Canada right away, there's no way you're getting the maple syrup rations as a foreigner.

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  • [–] 25 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Only doing this if I get a moose steak with those pancakes.

    Moose aren't like a sacred animal in Canada right?

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  • [–] 19 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

    Moose are revered and they are to be respected!! They can stomp your face effortlessly.

    I believe Aboriginal cultures have many deep ties with the moose. I think some people hunt and eat them, but it's not really a thing on a menu where I am (urban west coast), and is moreso a maritime/Newfoundland menu thing.

    Regardless, we build many statues to them: (I have only seen one of these in person [top right, Deer Lake Newfoundland].)

    Image transcription: Five moose statues from around Canada. Moose are 2m or 8 6.5-7 feet tall (at the shoulder), so these are some bigass sculptures. One, which was a memorial for a man who died of cancer, is now covered in bras for breast cancer awareness/fundraising.

    Edit: converting metres to feet is hard to do in my head.

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    • [–] 51 points 2 years ago (9 children)

    We burned your White House down once, we'll do it again!

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  • [–] 28 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    Serious hat for a moment, but the idea that Canadians burnt the White House is a misconception. It was British soldiers from units raised outside of Canada, which had been sent over for the war which did that.

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  • [–] 15 points 2 years ago

    More than half of the US will literally be throwing flowers at your feet as you march toward the capital to burn it. Its about the only thing both parties agree on. Well, that and taking AIPAC bribes to fund a genocide,both parties are down with that too. And guns now I guess. And closing the border.

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    [–] 41 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    Once trump cuts off all government funding from the blue states as he keeps threatening to do, maybe they could join Canada as provinces. It should be win-win considering the blue states contribute more to the federal govt. than they receive from it; while red states receive more than they contribute. So they would make Canada stronger and Trumpistan weaker. Trump wants to expand US lands to impress his idol putin and be like him, but instead he would lose territory.

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  • [–] 29 points 2 years ago

    The only meaningful argument against secession is that individual states would be weaker against invaders.

    Except it didn't work. We were invaded over the internet and lost. What are we protecting ourselves against? Being invaded by a world power that gives its people health care? Losing the democracy we just lost despite never having it to begin with?

    The USA is bad for everyone now... Even Americans.

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  • [–] 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    It’s a nice idea, but they should be independent.

    California has a larger population (and also GDP, I believe) than Canada.

    It makes no sense that Canada would want to more than double its population overnight.

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  • [–] 22 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Create a Union. Let Europe help - we're VERY interested in a strong and democratic North American continent, and perhaps we can teach one or two things about democratic resiliency to the so-called "land of the free".

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  • [–] 12 points 2 years ago* (12 children)

    It's interesting to think about. If the blue states, which are not contiguous, seceded and joined together as a nation, they'd be scattered groups of states and easily defeated. But if they formed a union with Canada (the NAU?), then at least the territory of the NAU would be contiguous because most of the blue clumps are adjacent to Canada: the NE states, west coast states, Minnesota, probably Michigan, and then Illinois, which might be isolated depending on how Wisconsin would go. Colorado and New Mexico would still be isolated. Maybe they could defeat Arizona and be linked up with the west coast.

    Then there'd be the issue of the US capital being D.C which along with its surroundings is overwhelmingly blue, so it would just have to be taken as part of the NE section, and Trumpistan would have to have its capital elsewhere.

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    [–] 41 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Thank you for your future service.

    We pay in healthcare and not giving a damn if you smoke up.

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    • [–] 28 points 2 years ago

    you know how people were asking how people in Russia weren't violently fighting against Putin when he started the ukrane-russia war?

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    [–] 24 points 2 years ago (5 children)

    I too am proud about things I did nothing to be.

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    [–] 20 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

    The usa thought the insurgency was bad in Afghanistan, wait until they see the combo of the largest undefended boarder, a people with a very similar look and culture (at least for language) and oh yeah a unpopular occupation of the country that has had more entries added into the Geneva conventions then any other nation.

    Yeah, and about those nukes in shared sites on Canadian land, all isolated and infamously under defended......

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    [–] 15 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    well on one side Canada has Wali and can resurrect Leo Major with their secret maple syrup potion, on the other side they would loose access to their F-35 fleet. So I don't know if Canada has a chance or not.

    If Canada find a way to clone Leo Major and send one Leo Major on each American city, it's an easy win for Canada. Can Mapple Syrup clone people?

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    [–] 11 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    The white house will be burned to black.

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  • [–] 18 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    DEI strikes again

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    • [–] 11 points 2 years ago

    🍁🫡

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    [–] 10 points 2 years ago

    We Stand on Guard

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    [–] 8 points 2 years ago

    Y'all's about to see a Canadian's real war face... On their homeland.

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