Apple will find a way to appease the dumbasses in Europe

I imagine Tim Apple's bottom is shinier than Bender's from all that kissing. One often wonders why people keep drinking the Kool-Aid from such behemoths. Must be something in the water.

but there’s nothing in the law that states they have to let you sideload whatever you choose

That's pretty much exactly what the law does say.

The gatekeeper shall allow and technically enable the installation and effective use of third-party software applications or software application stores using, or interoperating with, its operating system and allow those software applications or software application stores to be accessed by means other than the relevant core platform services of that gatekeeper.

There's a provision for not letting the user actively break the device, but that's it. And it's couched in terms like "if strictly necessary and proportionate" and "provided they are justified", so it's not something Apple can apply on a whim.

Please step on me harder Mr.Apple!

If less options is the only selling point of iOS, then it is a shit OS.

there’s nothing in the law that states they have to let you sideload whatever you choose.

There is, actually. And there is much more, you also will be able to publish on the App Store without using Apple's payment services for example.

EU lawmakers are slow, but not completely stupid.