see, i'm weird. we're all complicated, right? I'm generally function over form, but like i am also a musician and so vain i think the song is about me. like except for my sandals and hiking boots i wear exclusively Børn shoes because they are sooooo comfy (and the first pair i got looked so cool. the pairs i have now are just leather, but the first ones had orange stripes!) and last a long time. like decades and stay good quality. i tend to compare them favorably to and about the same comfort and quality level as i hear about Birkenstocks (my wife has some of both brands, she says i am correct). For the average consumer (i ain't talking the superrich, those fucks get handmade shoes probably) they are Lady Sybil level on the Vimes Scale of Boot Quailty.

So like, coming from that type of shoe snob, i might try on a pair of crocs but i will be afraid. do you know of a biblically accurate shoe salesman that can help me through the fear?