one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don't line up perfectly

That would irritate me more than getting forked in the first place.

I hope you filed a police report for assault and pressed charges. Looks like you dodged a bullet.

So your skin is perpetually mildlyinfuriating? What a terrible place for a curse.

I'm dad enough to suspect that my reaction to the stabbing would be "what the fork??"

And I'm 'tismo enough to seek corrective surgery to make sure the marks from the fork tines were in line.

Guy I met had a scar like that on the back of his hand. Story was he had four brothers, all big guys. Mom would put the food on the table, but no one was allowed to take anything until they said grace. One night it was steaks, and they weren't all the same size. When grace was done, they all went for a big steak with their forks. He was in first, but his brother ended up stabbing the back of his hand with his.

The fucked up and kind of funny part was that his brother's reaction was to bring the guy's hand over to his own plate by pulling it with his fork, and wiggling it until the steak fell off the fork onto the plate.

Please tell me she yelled "fork you"

Maybe she was also finalizing the relationship by sticking a fork in you because y'all were done.

"I'm done! Stick a fork in me!"

The scarring sounds funny, are you willing to share a pic of it?