I feel for you, and I can so relate to so much of what you just said. Sadly. My mother was horrid in every way imaginable, (but not single). I keep choosing abusive types because I had it normalised. I would like to say I'm no longer a people pleaser, but I couldn't tell you if that's true, I've worked through some of it, maybe. I have realised how that's self abandonment and unfair to the person in question, because as you mention, you will resent them. It's a defence mechanism. After what I realised I was really dating, in the last relationship I tried, I don't feel safe to date again. I keep choosing the abusive types because they feel normal / were normalised by my childhood. And I've questioned things and felt asexual. I've also learned about limerance and that wanting to be wanted, in a relationship is trauma. I don't quite understand that last one yet. Learning comphet flipped my world. The second reason I'm staying away from relationships is because I've predominantly dated guys, but I don't trust they could ever be a true partner in the way I can be or similarly expect back, through no fault of their own, but also, I don't see them working on it, generally speaking.

As a partner I'm hugely attentive. But I burn out on people and then I'm just done with them. But by then I am usually, also, noticing hugely toxic stuff.

I'm in therapy currently, and I want to address some of that, but I really don't like my therapist.

I think in some ways we've lived a similar trajectory.