[–] 21 points 1 week ago (1 child)

I'm all for any person practising whatever relationship style they want. What im against is using people to fulfill your needs/wants. Have fun, meet people, enjoy experiences, but please dont make people your experiments. You may enjoy "the chase", but the long term effects on those individuals may have further impacts.

I won't fully agree with all the other comments that OP is not a nice person for doing this. We all have our motivations, methods, and reasoning. That being said, considering the fact that other humans have feelings and desires helps to mitigate that main character syndrome.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 month ago

    I find it interesting that a majority of the top comments assume the image is referring to a female coworker. The gender neutrality of it leaves much room for interpretation. I haven't seen the latest Lemmy demographic stats, but this doesn't exactly paint a balanced perspective.

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    My boy is approaching the end of his journey, and I've had to make an appointment to walk him over the rainbow bridge. He's been my most consistent compatriot over 13 years of change, and I simply want to acknowledge that he is, and will always be, the goodest of boys. Writing this is helping with the acceptance, and knowing that I'm making the best decision I can for him.

    Here is one of my favorite pictures among the thousands I have

    [–] 6 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    Interesting. I had read something similar. Thing is, unless you host your own or give up conveniences, email will always be a means of surveillance. I try to do everything I can to keep my digital footprint small, but I also value my time. Going down a rabbit hole and hosting my own service, or never being satisfied with an email provider seemed like a waste of my time. I'll do the best I can, and focus on what I can control.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 month ago (4 children)

    I've been using Fastmail for a while now, and I like it. Clean interface, good apps, and lots of support for CALDAV (including tasks!). Frankly a much better interface than many other providers. I was also tired of using Thunderbird with my hosting provider's email.

    I spent quite a while looking for a good email provider as well. Proton didn't work for similar reasons, and I didn't like having to use the bridge on Linux. I settled on Fastmail as it's cheap, and does what I need (email, calendar, tasks).

    I wasn't excited that they have servers in the US (they're an Australian company), but I had to make a compromise to degoogle. "Perfection is the enemy of progress" is a common phrase for me.

    I'm interested to see what other opinions come up though.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    Great thoughts! Management of expectations should be the default, and the beginning of any relationship (platonic, ENM, monogamous, professional, familial, etc) should be discussed. I think it's an excellent idea to understand what each party is seeking, and what capacity is available on either side. I agree that this is key to relationships that provide the most fulfillment to all involved, and that's exactly what I've experienced as well.

    As for ongoing consent, it's the idea that consent must be continuous. Once it is no longer provided, it is not ongoing, thus the activity/arrangement/etc must end. This is where renegotiation can occur with conversation and (re)management of expectations.

    A perfect example would be giving a ride to a friend. They consent to enter your vehicle, and provide ongoing consent while in the passenger seat. They can, at any time, ask for you to stop the car so they can get out. This is revocation of consent, and the end of the ongoing piece.

    Side note about consent. I've been referring to ENM as CNM lately, as Ethics are subjective, but Consent is not.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago

    I 100% agree with this. The same applies in reverse. Should a partner of mine decide they don't want to practice polyamory, it would be an asshole move to deny them that choice, removing their consent. That's besides ignoring their bodily autonomy, independence, and all those pesky other things that are often ignored.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago (3 children)

    You're correct in both of those definitions. Let's clarify consent though. Informed, enthusiastic, ongoing, and revokable. Does one consent to expected relationship styles, or is it merely a societal expectation? Are we informed of all options while growing up? Are all traditional relationships enthusiastic with the option to revoke consent?

    My point is, I feel that cheating is an outlet when one feels there is no other option. This may be due to never having been presented an option, thus resorting to compulsory monogamy.

    I appreciate dissenting opinions as well, and look forward to productive discussion.

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  • [+] -10 points 1 month ago (8 children)

    If only they had a conversation... Maybe cheating is an unspoken exploration for one or both people into other perfectly valid relationship styles?

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