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‘New York Times’ Invents Entirely New Numerical System To Avoid Reporting Gazan Death Toll (www.theonion.com)
submitted 2 years ago by [M] to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[–] 106 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Remember, reporting that any Palestinians lost their lives during this conflict is not only anti-semitic, it's anti- American. Israelis aren't capable of committing violent war crimes. (BTW I'm being facetious, but only a little).

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  • [–] 29 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    I take issue with your wording: "crimes" are the things that the OTHER side does, while when WE do it, it is ah... something else. (I am also being facetious, but only a little, unfortunately)

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago

    They justifying extreme violence by claiming that they're squashing "terrorism."

    Even though the USA, and it's military-industrial complex, has been the single largest terrorizing force the world has ever seen....

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    That's very true. When the other side does violence, we call it "crimes." When we do it, we call it "justice" or "necessity." Humans are good at justifying whatever they want to believe is true about the "other side."

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  • [–] 1 point 2 years ago

    This unfortunately is human modus operandi. There isn't a single person, alive or dead, that has ever done differently. Though some of us are aware of that tendency and fight like hell against our own biases, in order to be better, when and wherever we can.

    Politicians, on the other hand... play by a different set of rules, it seems.:-P On the one hand, it seems easier to just lie to the children then it does to explain whatever needs to be done, especially when they are cranky & dead set against learning (e.g., fluoridating water and iodizing salt = good?), while on the other, corrupt politicians also lie to line their own pockets and achieve their own goals, even if those may be detrimental to those they are supposed to be "serving". In either case, they lie:-|.

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  • [–] 14 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    ok, but do you condemn Hamas?!

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  • [–] 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    I condemn the Israeli government for slaughtering civilians and committing endless war crimes

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  • [–] -1 points 2 years ago

    The Israeli government sure doesn't. They know 100% that oppression leads to terrorism. They knew their actions would create Hamas, and they know that giving Palestinians equal rights would end the terrorist cause in an instant. When they say they condemn Hamas, they're lying. They love Hamas.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 years ago

    Perhaps POTUS should take a leaf from my government's book. Here in the UK they are struggling to deport enough immigrants, so they want to send them to Rwanda. Since there's a concern that Rwanda isn't safe and this would therefore be a violation of our international obligations to genuine asylum seekers, they are considering legislating that Rwanda is safe - regardless of the truth.

    If reality is bothersome - why not simply state that it is not, and make it the law that you can't say that it is!

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    • [–] 49 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    Shoutout to the web dev who made this page so it loads everything except the article content and shows massive white blocks of nothing instead.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 years ago* (1 child)

    I think sometimes there's no article, the whole joke is the headline, and the white square is the blocked ad. Or have I been bamboozled by incompetent coders the whole time?

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  • [–] 6 points 2 years ago

    That's what I thought at first but after the first "you may also like" there's a huge void of white that goes for two screens and then there's more links.

    The page source is something to behold. I'm not sure if it's the worst thing I've ever seen or if they've reached a god tier level of parody.

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    • [–] 32 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    They have [only] killed less than 8! people

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    • [–] 31 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    There have only been 20 civilian casualties in Gaza when you use Base 1000 math.

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  • [–] 12 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    I'm not to proud to admit I don't know what base 1000 math is. Can you explain it to me as I'm also to lazy to Google it?

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  • [–] 22 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    The base means how high you can count using only one digit. In base ten you have 0-9. In base one thousand, 0-999 are all represented as a single digit (you'd need a massive numerical system). Let's say that w is the number for 998, and x is the character for 999. You'd count 0, 1, 2, 3...w, x then the next number (one thousand) would be 10. 11 is one thousand and one and so on all the way to one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine which would be 1x, then two thousand would be 20.

    The base is just how high you can count before you need a second digit. In base 2 you can only count 0 and 1 before you need another digit. That's why two is written "10" in base two.

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    • [–] 6 points 2 years ago

    Is there no article?

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    [–] 0 points 2 years ago

    Pretty sure this is what God meant by "thou shalt not kill"

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    [–] -1 points 2 years ago

    Where's the article? I can only see a headline and a picture

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    [–] -3 points 2 years ago

    You almost got me

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