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[+] 88 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)
  • [–] 52 points 10 months ago* (3 children)

    A lot of people have commented on how Ben Franklin would love porn, trans women, modern voluntary sterilization, etc., but I'm just gonna come out with a hot take: Ben Franklin would fucking love cocaine. Really all modern stimulants. If there's a heaven he's up there doing lines off some chick's dick discussing her PhD dissertation. This is a man who would be fucking pissed that the nation he helped found has created Adderall shortages by restricting supplies. He'd demand healthcare be in the bill of rights for that reason alone.

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  • [–] 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (4 children)

    If you brought Ben Franklin into the modern world you'd lose him within a couple hours then find him again in Goodsprings NV hungover and missing his pants.

    Edit: If you read NV as New Vegas and not Nevada you need to turn off the 500+ modded semi corrupt New Vegas install and go read Blood Meridian or something.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago* (1 child)

    Wait a minute, Goodsprings is a real place? 😮

    Does it often get attacked by boomers irl too?

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  • [–] 9 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Was he into stimulants, too!?

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  • [–] 14 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    The stimulants available to a north American of his time were wildly popular at the time in the british colonies and it's difficult to imagine him not partaking in either of them. Thst said, they were coffee and tea, both of which remain legal here to this day, and we even scrapped the extra tax on tea.

    Franklin died in 1790. Cocaine was first isolated in 1859 and it looks like coca wasn't really available in the global north until around that time. That said, upon the arrival of cocaine, the USA put that shit in everything. We loved the stuff

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  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Tobacco products were also very popular. Snuff being popular among rich people.

    Coca was used as a drug (documented) in 1568.

    Additionally laudanum and opium we’re also popular, but they aren’t stimulants afaik.

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago

    I also forgot about mate because I'm a bad American and forgot about my continent's native stimulants. Tobacco was common but not in the way it was in the 20th century. It was more tasted than inhaled.

    But yeah I did a quick search and it looked like coca wasn't widely traded with the anglosphere until the 19th century

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  • [–] 7 points 10 months ago

    He also might break down crying at the fact that we eliminated smallpox. He did the variolation thing, but his son didn't and he died of smallpox. Franklin deeply regretted not having him do it.

    Then tell him that there's a whole movement of people who sees the tech that eliminated smallpox as a bad thing. That's where he's going to get deeply disappointed with us.

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    [–] 49 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I'm sending her money so she can meet me at the airport tomorrow! She's fleeing...!

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  • [–] 20 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Good friend. It's me, her acquantince she mentioned once. She asked me to reach out that ran into trouble and needs $2000 sent to this crypto address 4837DDJFRJFHDH34SDTODUVJS in the next 12 hours or she's going to die and you'll be arrested and I'll need $5k to that address to protect you.

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  • [–] 25 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Thanks for the key, it activated Windows 11 for me

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  • [–] 30 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    How the fuck do people do it? Like is there something else more wrong with me?

    It says it's AI. It reads like an AI. I'm desperately lonely too, but it doesn't remotely come close to even a hint of being a real person.

    Maybe it's the user interface? The constant awareness of the AI girlfriend URL?

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  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    I think it has something to do with the person needing something other than a human relationship. Its like those lifesize dolls that some guys are into. They meet needs that are different to a human relationship.

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  • [–] 27 points 10 months ago

    If you were the result of your bloodline, they would not be watching from heaven.

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  • [–] 22 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    The concept of a bloodline is incoherent.

    Since the number of direct ancestors doubles every generation you go back, individual lineage is closer to a bowl of spaghetti than a family tree.

    Every generation you go back, you share less and less genetic markers. You share exactly 50% of your DNA with each parent, about 25% with each grandparent etc. Eventually you'll find a direct ancestor with whom you share no DNA markers. It's 12 generations back, on average.

    So, go back a few hundred years, and you're not genetically related to anybody. Go back a thousand, and everyone's list of ancestors is indistinguishable.

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  • [–] 15 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    ...So you're saying it's OK to fuck my cousin

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  • [–] 20 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    99.5% of your bloodline probably thinks this is a great idea and is excited to meet your kids.

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  • [–] 15 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    Don't know if it's better or worse than me jacking off for 4 hours. Regardless my ancestors would probably fully understand. They'd still be disappointed for a myriad of reason.

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  • [–] 5 points 10 months ago (7 children)

    How does one jack for 4 hours?

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago

    He is the Goonmaster. The chosen one, prophesized by the ancients, to save us from a dark evil. By his hand, he will lead us into salvation. Praise be /u/vaultdweller013! May his sword remain strong, and his hand firm, for dark days be ahead of us.

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    AI girlfriends are good for helping with that.

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    [+] 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)
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    [–] 10 points 10 months ago (2 children)
  • [+] 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 child)
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