My favorite was having multiples of an item, getting prompted to enter the quantity, and then having the machine yell at me for just placing them in the bagging area.

The fuck is the point then?

Place your item in bagging area

I make it a point to steal a little something every time I'm forced to use these.

Big box hardware stores appear to have zero people to check you out anymore, so they all give me something every time I shop.

Pro tip: they won't bother if you dont steal anything expensive. Additionally, there are cameras in the ceiling that are working with the register to see what is in the cart and determine if you have scanned everything. Buy a cardboard box (cheapest thing that works). Lay it over your cart. Put stuff under it and now the system cant see your cart to determine if you stole something. A GFCI outlet or two never seem to go noticed.

If the self checkout spazzes put and needs me to get an assistant, that's the last thing I scan at the checkout. Lady comes over, overrides the fail, I say thank you, pay for the stuff while she's standing there, and put it back in the trolley with the stuff I didn't scan yet. You see, I was so frazzled and confused by the disruption that I forgot I still had things to scan. Plausible deniability, I never hid anything, it was all out in the open, and the lady was just standing there. If she mentions it, then I can just resume scanning those items and pay for them too. This has not happened in several dozen grocery trips.

I just get so anxious and confused so easily!

Oh....apperently I'm too evil to be a cashier.

I wouldn't murder. I would go about my day, without a trace of evidence that I'm even angry.

I'd just come over, help the guy, and take note of his appearance, and the current time. Then I'd head to the back after my shift, and talk to the security guy. I'd make up some reason I have to check the security tapes. But I'd do it in a way that sounds like it's just buddys being buddies. Nothing suspicious.

Then I'd watch the tape 10 minutes after the encounter. I'd watch the parking lot. See where he goes. Find him getting into his car. Take note the make and model of the car, and the liscense plate.

Now I use public records to track him down. I find out his name, his address, his work, his life. I find out everything I can about him.

Now I hire the biggest musclehead there is. Not to beat him up, but to have an affair with his wife. Make his wife feel properly fucked and orgasm multiple times. Make it a regular thing. All without the wife realizing it's a ploy.

His marriage ends, as his wife no longer loves him. And NOW the real plan can commence.

I'd hire a woman who looks visually similiar to his wife, but much more dominant. I'd hire her to seduce him, but also take control of their relationship. She'd have him whipped, and play off his emotional insecurity that he would lose her if he doesn't do what she wants. And she'd get demanding, and have him whipped.

She would eventually take him to an actual dungeon. She'd get him naked, and tied up, laying on his back with his ankles being worn as earrings. And as he'd tied in that position, completely vunerable, that's when I emerge from the shadows, revealing my master plan for revenge!

Except, it was a forgetable moment, 5 years ago. He has no idea who I am. Doesn't matter. He's already in position, and I've worked too hard to get this exact moment to where it is.

He's totally exposed, vunerable, and can't move.

COMMENCE THE TICKLE TORTURE!!!

I imagine they're depressed. Their job is to help out idiots every few seconds. When not doing that they're probably pondering the validity of a doomed race.

Good point. Great name I looooveee father ted!

It's like having lives in a video game.

I love not having all my purchasing and phone data tracked