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[–] 37 points 2 years ago (1 child)

A thought:

If Trump thinks that Kamala Harris should claim she's Indian because she has an Indian mother, then Barack Obama should claim he's white for the same reason.

Too bad no one in the press will bring that up to him.

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  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I never considered that!

    By that same logic, I have been rumored to have slept with all of my friends from high school and every gamer with whom I've interacted online

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  • [–] 5 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I shoulda gone to your high school, apparently.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 years ago (1 child)
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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I heard that at Jessica's party, while everyone was playing 7 Minutes in Heaven, we were making out in her mom's car and that our mustaches got tangled.

    I also heard that we put gerbils in each other's butts, which is ridiculous since we only used hamsters.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I keep my mustache far too short for them to have tangled. They'll have to do better than that!

    I do have to say that yours is nice and soft though. Do you condition it?

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    No conditioner! I just rarely bathe and am very messy with mayonnaise

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I'm going to start using mayonnaise treatments on my mustache, but I need a shower all the time. I guess I can get a mustache hairnet and line it with plastic wrap.

    That's why you always smell so delicious!

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Hairnet Mayonnaise Sack

    Look out Butthole Surfers, there's a new band willing to give Texans a bad name!

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Joke all you like, I've got a band gig this weekend with some guys as strange as I am. The band name may change.

    But we're a bunch of middle aged rockers so I'm not sure we'll be out there giving the whole state a bad name. Probably just Spring.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Spring??? Don't worry, Spring doesn't need any of your help to give it a bad name.

    If Houston is Zac Efron, Spring is that intense stare he does in interviews that makes you wonder if he's high or contemplating murder

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