And was often left undiagnosed in the past. I know I probably have it hard and somewhere on the autism spectrum. (My estranged father, sister and nephew all have been diagnosed at varying degrees/combinations). But I can't even get a appointment at my doctors office, there is never availability and I tend to stop trying after a few times until it bugs me again. It's like the system here is made to weed out people like me.

It's kind of nice to know why I felt/feel so inadequate. But it also hurt to know I will never feel normal. At 46 I feel so at a lost at a chance of a better future. I fucked it up so often, have no savings, have to work two jobs to barely get by (keep on doing bad financial decisions) etc... I always hope to win the lottery (I almost never play it) just to not have the stress of life catching up to me and going back on the streets.