Ronald Reagan famously said that the “eleventh commandment” was: “Thou shalt not speak ill of another Republican.”

The phrase was coined in the 1960s by Gaylord Parkinson, who was the state chairman of California Republicans at the time: “Henceforth, if any Republican has a grievance against another, that grievance is not to be bared publicly.”

https://politicaldictionary.com/words/eleventh-commandment/

While some people may be quick to throw the word “conservative” around, it is important to remember that there is a distinction between someone being self-centered and unsympathetic, and someone who has Conservative Personality Disorder. Many people may have what doctors call conservative characteristics, such as feeling entitled or having a strong sense of self-importance. People who have conservative personality disorder may be challenging to deal with.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a conservative is to know the difference between someone with conservative tendencies and someone with Conservative Personality Disorder.

PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE CONSERVATIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BUT HAVE CONSERVATIVE CHARACTERISTICS MIGHT:

Need continual approval and/or admiration

Take advantage of other people

Fail to acknowledge or be concerned about the needs of others

Have an escalated sense of self

Generally, conservatives can be pretentious. In other words, they think that they are better than others, and continuously seek out praise.

Having a conservative in your life may be maddening and emotionally challenging. You may feel like your whole relationship with this person revolves around them, leaving no room for yourself and your emotions. It can be easy to feel judged by this person. You may even feel exhausted by this individual’s demands.

Conservative Personality Disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Despite the inflated confidence that conservatives portray, they often have extremely fragile self-esteem. Even the slightest criticism can harm their self-esteem.

People who suffer from Conservative Personality Disorder may be overall unhappy and dispirited when they are not given special treatment or treated the way that they expect. Many relationships may feel unfulfilling to them, and others may not enjoy their company.

THE SIGNS, SYMPTOMS, AND SEVERITY OF CONSERVATIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER CAN ALTER PERSON-TO-PERSON. SOME SYMPTOMS MAY INCLUDE:

Having an inflated sense of self-importance

Demand having the best of everything (e.g., best house, best car, best clothes)

Holding a sense of entitlement

Mandating continual, immoderate appreciation

Behaving in an arrogant manner that comes across as conceited and/or pretentious

Always expecting to be acknowledged as superior

Being jealous of others

Believing that others are jealous of them

Overvalue their achievements and skills

Having the inability to acknowledge other’s needs and emotions

Being distracted by dreams of authority, triumph, perfection, the perfect partner, or excellence

Taking advantage of others to benefit them

Expecting special favors to align with their expectations

Believing that they are superior

Only speaking to people who they believe are on their level

Dominating conversations

Looking down on people they view as inferior

IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, THE CONSERVATIVE MAY:

Try to isolate you from your friends and family

Instruct you on how to act and feel

Question your reality or try to gaslight you

Blame you for things outside of your control

Supervise your whereabouts

Project their flaws onto you

Fail to take your opinions and needs into account

IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH A CONSERVATIVE, TRY THE FOLLOWING TIPS:

1. DO NOT REACT

Conservatives depend on your emotional reactions. It can be easy to react in a way that showcases your shock, anger, or hurt, but this will only energize the conservative. Instead, try to focus on the situation at hand, and try not to leave space for projection. By continuously steering the conversation back to the issue at hand, you take away the opportunity from the conservative to dominate the conversation.

2. TRY TO AVOID DIRECT CONFRONTATION

As stated previously, conservatives are sensitive to any kind of criticism. Calling out the conservative is hardly ever helpful. This can even be a trigger for their anger. In the case that you do need to give negative feedback, try to frame it, in the same way, you would a compliment.

3. REITERATE YOUR NEED FOR ACTION OVER PROMISES

Conservatives can be great at making fictional plans for the future, and never following through on their promises. If you want to hold a conservative accountable, you need to challenge the deception. It is important to not fulfill any of their requests unless they reciprocate the energy.

4. MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES

Conservatives may easily cross boundaries. While they can break others’ boundaries, they prioritize their own. It is important to set and strongly maintain your boundary with this individual. You may want to easily outline what you will and will not accept in your relationship with this individual. While it may be difficult at times, you should always stand up for yourself.

5. REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME

If anything does not go their way, a conservative may point the finger at you. In addition to your boundaries, you may want to limit the responsibility that you hold in their life. When the blame is put on you, do not accept it.

6. DON’T ACCEPT THEIR BEHAVIOR

Conservatives are typically aware when they hurt others’ feelings. Their behavior is normal to them, but that is not the same case for other people. You may feel the need to gently point out their undesired behaviors. Conservatives do not like to be viewed in a negative light, so this allows them to adjust their behavior.

7. ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP

Conservative abuse may not be overt, therefore it can be difficult to know whether or not you are a victim. You may easily fall into a cycle of conservative abuse. This can lead to feeling trapped. Symptoms of conservative abuse vary; however, if you are questioning your self-worth, it may be helpful to seek counseling from a licensed professional who specializes in identifying and assisting people who endure conservative abuse.

8. KNOW WHEN YOU NEED TO LEAVE A RELATIONSHIP

Conservatives know how to manipulate situations and deceive people. They may use methods like gaslighting and projection to try to alter your reality and gain control. If you are beginning to feel confused or lost, it may be time to exit the relationship. It is important to never lose sight of yourself. Conservative Abuse Syndrome is real. If you think that you are experiencing it, you may benefit from talking to a licensed mental health professional. If you are unsure if your relationship is unhealthy, you will benefit from reading our blog “How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship.”

Dealing with a conservative can be overwhelming, but you are not alone in your struggles. There are many survivors of narcissistic abuse, and speaking to a licensed mental health counselor is helpful if you are unable to recover on your own.