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People here who are very popular in their school/workplace, what actually makes you feel happy? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 years ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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So normally people like me get extremely happy if you say something like ‘nice shirt’, however it got me wondering about people who receive compliments and gifts all the time, what makes y’all happy? I presume it gets kinda annoying after some time?

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[–] 26 points 2 years ago* (2 children)

Try giving those compliments.

It's not what you're asking about but most people want that kind of attention sometimes.

I'm a middle-aged straight dude. I compliment other guys beards, hats, jackets, whatever, because we NEVER get compliments.

And it's common to want or need feel special and noticed now and again.

It's the stuff you remember - one guy in a work meeting saying 'Damn that was fast' when I came up with a good comeback, or the guy at the convenience store who went nuts when he heard my voice and realized I was the guy who had the big bushy beard (that I'd shaved the night before as a Halloween 'costume'.)

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Tbh I am kinda on the fence on this particular subject, like some sort of a compliment when I am a bit down would be nice, but the feeling of being complimented once every two/three years is so absolutely ethereal to me that I don’t wanna let it go, it’s a different kind of happiness which I don’t think I would get if I started getting compliments more regularly

    But you know that is just my opinion

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  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Right, but that's my point - be the change you wish to see in the world.

    The people you think of as popular who are complimenting people, maybe they're only popular because they make other people feel good by acknowledging them.

    Be kind. Be encouraging. Be complimentary. There's no good reason not to be, really.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Listen to this guy. I’ve lived the shift he’s prompting you take.

    It’s incredibly hard to describe. People start to see it on you I think.

    From my experience it seems to be in the way I look at people differently and how my body language has shifted. I’m face-blind so it’s hard for me to say for sure but I think people can see that I’m looking for positivity and a way to compliment them or brighten their day.

    And if you’re trying to get laid… Holy shit. Give a genuine thank you and compliment someone of the same sex on your dates. Show your romance for the world and not just the person across the table. It really really works.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Yup. I got a promotion at work a year ago and in my interview for team lead I said I wanted to emulate an earlier person in my role who made people feel supported... and I know my team has respected and embraced my approach to the role.

    So now I get to work each day knowing I'm respected and appreciated... that my words and actions have impact on them and their work.

    Capitalism sucks, work sucks, but if it's still inevitable at least it's more bearable, you know?

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  • [–] 5 points 2 years ago

    Lmao exactly.

    I work at a lumber mill and made the GM cry in the break room one day. All I said was ‘I see you man’ after talking about the stress he takes on.

    He’s a very different person with me now.

    ‘Compassionate Masculinity’ is how I described one of my managers at the Apple Store. He taught me a lot through his example.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 years ago

    I understand this concern. It has been a strange shift but honestly it’s wonderful. That ethereal feeling doesn’t necessarily go away but it does change a bit.

    As you get better at giving compliments and lifting people up you will draw similar people to you and teach people around you to speak to you in a similar way. There’s a feedback loop that raises that ethereal feeling to something more familiar but no less effecting.

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