As a trans woman who spent a lot of her life as a violent man, I have some perspective on this.

The tendency to blow up and hit things? Those are panic attacks. Men don't like to think of themselves as having sissy emotional problems and so they just try to stubbornly power through their panic by yelling and hitting things, but like, a good cry really fucking helps you know? Meds too! Take a break, get some fresh air, take some deep breaths, fix your makeup, it's going to be okay. No need to break shit.

Excuses. Trauma can cause aberrant behaviour, true, but unless your moral center is corrupted by toxic beliefs, you will recognise those behaviours as wrong and feel bad about it. The types of people who think the dynamic pictured in the OP are standard have either been raised with or have discovered and adopted an ideology of patriarchy, that presents such "wife bad" mentality as morally good.

So yes, you may have anger issues or problems with violence because of trauma, but you will still feel remorse because you now it's wrong. Or, on the other hand, you may simply believe that such violence and domination is the natural social order and thus be a toxic scumbag.