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Do women actually enjoy sex? edit: Am a woman, and just curious. (lemmy.world)
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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I tried making a Reddit account and it asked me to build karma before I could ask on any of the relevant subs so I'm posting here.

I can personally say that if anything goes up there, it hurts, and not in a good way. It does not feel pleasurable at all. It feels kind of like placing a finger on an open sore and pushing down.

Also, if you're being examined, they tell you to take deep breaths, as if they know that anything going up is going to be painful. If sex is supposed to be pleasurable and enjoyable, why would doctors tell you to brace for impact, so to speak?

Lastly, women often scream during sex. It's often said they're screaming out of pleasure and not pain. But there are a lot of things I find extremely pleasurable, but I don't scream while I do them.

Is it just one of those things that is painful but we're conditioned into believing the pain is actually pleasure and I must have inconsistent pain tolerance and I am making a big deal out of this?

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[–] -3 points 6 days ago (3 children)

I have said since I was a teenager, that women do not enjoy sex nearly as much as men.

Now that I'm older, it's gone from being sn observation, to understsnding why.

When men have sex, there's no downside, and it's easily the best thing we'll do all day.

When women have sex, they do enjoy it. But they have so many things to worry about. Are they going to get pregnant? Does this guy have a wife? Is he going to hurt me? Is he just using me?

Those are all things women have to think about with sex. Men don't.

I know I've never been worried about if a woman is just using me. It would actually probably be pretty easy come to think about it. If a woman wanted to just use me for sex? Like she just wanted to handcuff me to the bed, and sit on my face? It would probably be really easy for a 110lbs 5'2 woman to overpower 6'0 250lbs me. She could easily overpower me, and handcuff me to the bed. And if she doesn't have handcuffs.....I could bring some.....

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  • [–] 7 points 6 days ago (1 child)

    Men have to worry about pregnancy too. If a man gets a woman pregnant, it's ultimately her choice whether to keep the baby or not, so the risk is she would want to keep it and you gotta help raise the kid or pay child support.

    It sounds like you're coming from a perspective of women only having one night stands. In a loving long term relationship, I hope that the answer to questions like "does this guy have a wife", "is he going to hurt me" or "is he just using me" would all be no.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 days ago

    Nah he's right on the first part. I enjoy sex and would do it more if I didn't have to deal with all the bullshit being AFAB brings.

    Pregnancy. Its a huge deal. Even abortion is a huge deal. Abortions hurt. You have to get the meds. Its illegal in my state. The meds can fail then you have to have surgery.

    Birth control. A fucking pain to take daily at the same time plus if you react bad to it oh well.

    UTIs. I can't have sex without getting a UTI. There is literally nothing that can be done about this other than take an antibiotic everytime I have sex. I have tried everything else.

    Periods. You're going to stain your sheets\towels. Don't forget to take your tampon out.

    There is no fun and flippant sex when you have an innie instead of an outtie, there is always baggage.

    If I had a dick I'd be having so much more sex.

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  • [–] 1 point 5 days ago

    Yes, distress can reduce pleasure. However, there are safe ways for women to have sex. If you have never experienced a woman feeling safe during sex, that says more about you than her. And it's not just being a 115kg top, many such men have one or more women happily assuming the submissive role.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 days ago*

    Does this guy have a wife? Is he going to hurt me? Is he just using me?

    I probably wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy if these were my worries during sex. But, there are other considerations that happen regardless of relationship status.

    There's an inherent difference in being the "receiver," a type of intimacy that only comes from having somebody else physically inside your own body. Things can get sore, especially if the guy treats sex like an Olympic event that he needs to keep on going for a long time. (Or if he has his own issues with orgasming from penetration, which is surprisingly common these days. "Death grip" where a man becomes accustomed to the tightness of his own hand, or a reliance on viewing porn in order to cum, seem to be all over the place.)

    I enjoy penetrative sex, but my body needs a break sometimes. Things can start to get uncomfortable after going on for 20 minutes. I don't think most straight guys are aware of the physical stress of being penetrated. It can be fun, in small doses, but if we regularly get to the point where I feel sore inside, it can become something aversive. Honestly I'd rather be with a guy who cums too quickly than a guy who can "keep going on and on," because it sucks to always be the one to put an end to sexy times.

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