Idk about other people but I hit on and am hit on by women at bars

Unironically the answer seems to be mainly "don't." I'm with you (I hate making people feel uncomfortable personally, but it shakes out the same) and have been trying to make sense of it, so far I've got:

Bars: OK

Dating apps: OK

Work: Right out don't even think about it. This includes any combination of worker/customer, worker/worker, and even customer/customer. Women supposedly don't like to be asked out in those situations.

And then you'll hear men say "go to the gym" and women say "I don't like being asked out at the gym" so that seems off limits unless you're seeking men.

Common advice is to "find a hobby" but women hate being asked out while they're just trying to do their hobbies as well according to them. Ok so then "you don't ask them out there, you become friends and hope they'll set you up with a single friend." It also necessitates a hobby that isn't solitary, which just isn't everyone's cup of tea.

So basically the best I've got so far seems to be "drink more, discard online privacy, or pray."

But then also "just ask, be polite, and take no for an answer, if they get offended at that, that's their problem" has been thrown around, and figuratively praying to a god I don't believe in hasn't been working so far, so I'm considering trying that out.

Actually, ironically, while I made the joke that "make friends and then hope they set you up with someone" = "pray," another piece of advice is "meet them in church," which supposedly works real well, but I don't think lying about my religion is a good foundation to a happy relationship, personally. If you however have no such compunction or are religious, that may work.

I wonder if Lemmy has a dating community.

Forget dating apps. Idk, friend of friends might recommend you?

I am just as afraid and single, so yeah.