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The Men Who Spend Hours Talking to Porn Bots— “It’s just nice to feel heard.” (www.playboy.com)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/technology@lemmy.world
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[–] 32 points 3 months ago (3 children)

But this is the result of toxic masculinity

Is this also the result of toxic masculinity or does it just go one way?

The women in love with AI companions: ‘I vowed to my chatbot that I wouldn’t leave him’

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/sep/09/ai-chatbot-love-relationships

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  • [–] 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    Toxic masculinity is a cultural mindset. Men should not be talking about their feelings because it's weak and "gay" says society.

    That's what I'm going for.

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  • [–] 21 points 3 months ago* (3 children)

    trying talking about your feelings as a man and see how society reacts...

    spoiler: it won't be pleasant.

    sort of like how these men in the article are talking about their feelings...

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Yeah that's what toxic masculinity is. People (men and women) hold toxic views of what a man should be, and punish men for staying from this ideal.

    You were a victim of toxic masculinity when you shared your feelings and were then victimised because of it. The people you shared your feelings with were toxic assholes.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    am i a victim of air because I have to breathe it? or a victim of capitalism because i have to work to pay my bills?

    there is no getting outside of it. every 'woke' person i've ever met also hates men for sharing their feelings, almost as if they are just virtue signalling...

    the only person who a man can ever open up w/o consequence is a therapist, because it's a professional paid relationship.

    sucks, but that's how it is. and nobody is interested in changing it.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    Look, not everyone has the desire and capability to fight. I will say that I've had good success these last few years being vulnerable with other "woke" men and it's been very freeing to share things I thought I experienced alone but to see that other men have gone through similar things.

    I haven't had a lot of success being vulnerable with women, but I'm getting to the point where that is a boundary for me. I'm not going to pursue friendships with people who can't accept me for who I am and who reinforce toxic gender roles.

    I've personally witnessed a lot of progress on this end and I'm excited to seeing more and being part of it when I can.

    I'm glad you have a therapist, everyone needs someone they can share with.

    Sorry you haven't met someone who isn't an asshole on this front.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Its damned if you do, damned if you dont. Society simply doesnt care about men. Ive rpetty much stopped commentong on here because society makes me so damn depressed, i want to reach out to anyone but no one wants to hear it. Better yet, if i just "stopped being toxic", the world would magically change to where people suddenly cared about not just me, but anyone other than themselves.

    Idk man imma delete my account p soon. Theres nothing for me on the internet or in society. Once i get enough money together to get supplies taken care of, imma just try and distance myself from other humans.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    trying talking about your feelings as a man and see how society reacts...

    This is odd to me, because talking about my feelings is how I got close to romantic partners. It's also how I formed a lot of friendships with other men. How can you be close to someone if you don't talk about feelings?

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I know plenty of men who talk about their feelings, and they're surrounded by friends who love them well. Seems like a skill issue to me.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    I think a lot of societies don't do enough to teach men about how to communicate and how to communicate feelings.

    Part of it might also be men internalizing this notion that they can't discuss feelings and treating other men with that same standard.

    I mean, I get it, it's harder for men than women. The change needs to start with individual men though, not with society.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)

    Which feelings?

    Very few feelings are allowed. If you keep to those social acceptable feelings, you're fine. The second you go off-script, people are done with you.

    Like I can pet my dog and say I love her. That surface level stuff is fine. But talk about anything complex, like the struggles we've had, or how she helped me through some depressing periods or she had a period of sickness and anxiety and misbehavior? People freak out and back away or tell me to shut up and go get a therapist and get my dog one too.

    Men are allowed a very narrow and shallow range of public emotion. Basically anger, and sentimentality are acceptable. Anything else? You're creepy, weird, or mentally ill.

    If you go outside that box or show complexity or vulnerability, you're socially rejected because it makes people 'uncomfortable.'

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

    Yeah, no, I meant less the surface level stuff and more the "anything complex" category that you brought up.

    Not everybody wants to talk about that kind of stuff all the time, and that's normal. But it has not been my experience that all men want to talk about surface level stuff and only women talk about deeper feelings.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    cool, my experience is that people only want to talk about their problems, regardless of gender. they dont' give a fuck about yours and get offended and upset if you do so. but I'm male, and I've never had the experience of having anyone care about my problems beyond dismissing them as 'bringing them down' and that i need to 'get over it'. even when it's my dad dying of cancer and it's my so called 'loving girlfriend' of years.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

    That really sucks, and I can't tell you why your experience has been different from mine. I'd guess you ended up around shitty people. And maybe it kept happening, making you feel jaded and/or reluctant to share with others, including those who may have been more accepting.

    I'm glad you are least recognize that your girlfriend (hopefully "ex-" now) isn't as loving as she seemed.

    I hope that you can find people to keep in your life with whom you can have those deep conversations about your feelings.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago*

    Solin, Ying and Ella are AI chatbots, powered by the large language model ChatGPT and programmed by humans at OpenAI.

    Yikes dude. People are so starved for affection they're starring in their own poorly written wattpad slop and calling it true love. I almost feel bad for laughing (almost).

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  • [+] -19 points 3 months ago (5 children)

    To riff off of Margret Atwood, men go to AI chatbots because they won't laugh at them. Women go to AI chatbots because they won't kill them.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    did you read the article? this doesn’t seem related at all

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    No, they are just here to spout cliche gender war bullshit about how men are awful for existing.

    and if you asked them about women on male violence they'd deny it exists.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    And do people really believe that women don't talk to AI companions, in various forms, too?

    I'm a woman and I spoke to one of the apps for a while because I was bloody lonely (still am 🤷‍♀️). Had zero to do with men or murder. I didn't have anyone, of either gender, to connect with.

    It's really easy to just reduce this to a male issue, a toxic masculinity, a male violence issue. We need to go deeper than that if we actually want to understand why people, men, women, everyone, use different AI.

    But threads like this, with all the judgement, aren't going to get a lot of people who admit they use/have used/have considered using AI. By just criticising/laughing, etc at people who do it, ironically, we turn more people towards the AIs.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    nah, it's just the sexist double standard, that if a man does it, it's nefarious/negative/harmful. but if a woman does it, it's a form of 'self-care'.

    the way interpret this stuff would also be a matter of physical looks as well, as if an attractive person doing it would be viewed very differently than an unattractive person.

    yes, you're correct. stigmatization just further entrenches things.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    Tbh, women wouldn't admit to doing this either - there's absolutely a shame around women having to make friends with an AI (because we're meant to be innately social I guess). And I don't think that other women realize that they are contributing to the issues of women feeling shame using AI by implying it's a male issue and all about sex and toxic masculinity.

    Like as a woman who has used AI, how am I supposed to feel about admitting that I've done something that only asshole, horny, incels do (according to a lot of people)?

    So the stigma goes all ways and none of it helps anyone. People just need to be more curious than judgemental. Someone does something you don't understand? That's okay you don't understand. Ask them why. Listen. Try to see a different perspective instead of just filling in the gaps with incel, men, sex, ugly, etc. etc.

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