I really have to disagree with that last part. Or, at least in the way you're framing it as unchangeable.
It is looking at the world from the perspective of idealism. Meaning that the people that you say "would rather not have something if it means someone they hate also gets it"
You're starting with that "thought" as being the origin of what makes the world the way it is. That there are just some people that think that way. So there is nothing to be done for that.
It's, in a similar way, how right wingers think about homeless people. That there are just some people that choose to be homeless. That it is unchangeable through changes to our systems or structures or education. They point to the one guy that says "I want to live here" to justify it as unchangeable and unsolvable.
Now, are people that "think that way" able to have their minds changed? Maybe not all. Maybe not most. I'd agree that it's likely a waste of time to work on changing the minds of those people directly.
What I am talking about is what are the ideas and material circumstances that lead people to becoming that way? Their type of believe is antihuman. It's antisocial. It's even harmful to themselves. How can we prevent people growing up today from becoming people that think that way. THAT is what's important in understanding.
So, I guess I'll just ask you what you think. What makes people believe that harming themselves is good as long as it harms another group MORE? Racism, sexism, etc. Yes. But you and I both know those are all lies they believe. Lies about gender. Lies about race. What is something that is true in their belief that they use those lies to answer?