I'm not being absurd, you are. You're defining the mode of production of a majority collectivized and planned economy that was oriented towards satisfying the needs of everyone as a "kleptocracy." This is ridiculous and requires an extreme level of evidence explaining why such a focus was both put on satisfying everyone's needs, and on this "kleptocracy" you claim. You're confusing the capitalists that rose from the ashes of the USSR with the USSR's mode of production. I'm aware that China has billionaires, and again, you seem to be under the impression that Marxism is about equalitarianism and not about gradually collectivizing production and distribution to satisfy the needs of everyone.
Good reading for you would be China has Billionaires. Marxists don't deny the struggles of the USSR and PRC, we do learn from them, what we don't do is dismiss their successes or take liberal perspectives on them like you're doing here.
I'm aware that you consider yourself a socialist, but your analysis is far from that of a socialist.