I honestly do apologize. Feel free to ignore this since you said don't report back, but I wanted to reply after some more reflection regardless.

You're correct that I don't believe I've broken a boundary, but I also am willing to accept that I'm simply not aware of a boundary I've broken. Unfortunately I remain unaware. I hope you understand that I am unable to comment on things I'm not aware of, and for better or for worse that's simply where I stand right now.

For whatever it's worth, if there is some boundary I've crossed, I'm sorry for that. I want to emphasize that's not a "I'm sorry you feel that way" non-apology but a genuine remorse for whatever harm I've caused someone. I don't want to hurt people.

In addition to the general apology, I want to directly apologize for my closing paragraph about your husband and the suggestion that you had internalized some kind of rationalization for the situation. It was uncalled for.

I will not be further editing or removing any of my prior comments to cover up statements I regret, as I believe complete context is important for anyone who stumbles across this later.

Not expecting a reply. I hope you find other interactions more pleasant than this one.

Those values are dominant in our society! If anything I've said has been construed in such a way that you think I believe otherwise then I apologise.

To be clear, rape culture is a real problem, and I do see evidence of that in society at large. I have no idea what I can do about it, as my own social circles are non-representative.

edit: Oh, and I do, in fact, do the dishes.

I am asking, in good faith, what extra steps I am expected to be taking here, because yes, I am claiming that I don't associate with misogynists or people who promote such misinformation. If the actual answer is "read a bunch of books on the subject" then maybe that's what I need to do? But I find it extraordinarily unlikely that it will reveal that people I interact with are secretly misogynist in ways that I can actionably address.

I looked at your links. No, obviously I didn't read three entire books in a couple of hours.

I'm also not saying it's not a real problem that exists, which seems to be the point you're trying to make. If it makes you feel any better I am willing to call out such behaviour if I see it happen. I just don't see it happen, because the people I regularly socialize with aren't assholes.

Starting a post with an accusation of rape isn't really a great starting position, and frankly I find it disturbing that the default assumption is that it is likely I have pressured someone for sex at some point in my life. I have accepted a "not right now" as a no for as long as I can recall, and the idea that someone might actually suggest that "asking for consent ruins the mood" is, frankly, insane to me.

I did take a moment to reflect, and came up with nothing. I can think of one instance where I tried to initiate, but I felt my partner tense up before anything really happened. What happened next was I immediately stopped. She didn't even say no, but I knew she didn't want to continue.

I'm sorry your husband committed rape, and that you have apparently internalized the idea that all men are probably rapists to perhaps help accept that fact. I am not.

when you see them contributing to rape culture

What, the grand total of zero times? I don't go to bars or clubs, I don't go to parties where there are an appreciable number of people I don't know. The social contexts in which I do interact with people I'm not close to are either in-passing where there's no way to make that assessment, or professional, in which case we're both under considerable social constraints and such behaviour is not likely to arise even from someone with such predilections. Yes, I realise that last sentence is spoken from a position of privilege, and that behaviour does arise and is a problem for those targeted by it, but it's outside my scope of awareness and I'm not going to interrogate my coworkers on the off chance it has happened.

I'm willing to accept that maybe back in highschool I wasn't as aware of these issues and may have let an instance slide here or there, but even if I did recall such an event that was more than two decades ago, and I'm not going to hunt down someone I haven't seen in twenty years to admonish them after the fact.

Though come to think of it, there was one instance of it in an online chat within the past few years, and I did say something, which led to them basically flying off the handle and getting kicked from the server, so there's that at least. I guess I'm one for one?

Like the above comment I am also a man who already finds the idea of rape abhorrent, and always did. This is also true, as far as I am able to discern, of all my friends and people I regularly associate with.

But I'm still in the described situation, where the prevalent messaging implies that I am somehow complicit and not doing enough. Am I expected to interrogate my coworkers and people on the street just in case, so I can confront them on these opinions if they happen to have them? Clearly not, but there's still this unspoken pressure that I should be doing more, and I have no idea what that looks like.

edit: Making this comment was a mistake.

Also reaching the people who most need to be reached.

One can be simply be cruel due to thoughtlessness. This is arguably still a reason, but there's no intent to do something harmful.

I don't think this excuses it, but there's also not really anything to "reverse engineer" in the thoughts behind it.

also pretty wierd that he's so about open source, and yet doesn't consider linux a "social warrior" project

isn't it about giving to society? if not, what is linux about?

He literally speaks to this point in his comment. He states that the goal of the Linux kernel project is to develop the Linux kernel, period. The social benefits from it being an open source project is a side effect. Just because it's widely viewed as a "social good" doesn't make it automatically a champion of every social issue that happens to show up in the course of its development.

AI being allowed is one thing. If a community wants to allow it then that's their business, I don't care.

AI being unlabeled is quite another and misleading at best. Again, a community may choose to not have this requirement, but that doesn't change the fact that it's misleading.

There is absolutely nothing in the article to indicate the family's political leanings or how they voted.