sorted by: new top controversial old
Where I Belong [CW: Suicide, Gore, Self-Harm] in c/depression_now@lemmy.world
Where I Belong [CW: Suicide, Gore, Self-Harm] in c/depression_now@lemmy.world
[–] [S] 2 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Thank you for your message. I was lucky that no matter how hard I tried I wasn't able to harm myself. With the help of someone I was able to remove all sharp objects from my sight. It seemed to have calmed down the thoughts, but didn't get rid of them.

Sadly, therapy and psychiatry aren't options for me, I'm chronically ill and I don't even have medical care for my chronic illness, let alone psychiatric problems, I do not live in a place where I can seek help, I live in a place where people are left to rot and die.

Thank you again, for your message. I wish you a nice day.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • context
    • 3
    Where I Belong [CW: Suicide, Gore, Self-Harm] (sh.itjust.works)
    submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by to c/depression_now@lemmy.world
    4 comments fedilink
     

    I'm so angry. I can't feel anything other than anger and depression. Either I'm dreading my existence with agony, or I'm furiously wanting to smash my head into a wall in pure sheer rage.

    What even is the point of suicide? Like, what's the end goal here? Damned if you live, damned if you die.

    Where would I even start? The chronic pain? The anger? The abuse? The trauma? The stress? The absolute disgust of trying to hold it all together while the entirety of the world seems to be suffering either less or worse than you.

    I hate my life, I hate life, I hate all lives, I'm usually not one to hate, but I've just, I've just grown to learn hate.

    This, this here, this little lemmy box, seems to be the only place where I belong, where I can let out some of the gore-y horrendous shit that I want to do to myself.

    GoreA lot of images seem to pop up through my mind, I imagine myself lying down, and I imagine another self with an axe, and I would smash my head beyond recognition that such an organ belonged to an organism.

    I wanna cry through every pore and hole in my body. I want to rid myself of all the nasty fluids that are the "essence of life".

    GoreAnd here is something I wrote on September of 2025 "Tear my vocal chords apart, hold them out high, against the madness of the world. "YOU SEE THIS" I will try to shout, gurgling blood, desperately trying to breathe. "THIS IS ME" I say while shaking the mass of flesh in my hands, now nothing but a nameless goo, because I've crushed it with my own hands, I've crushed it so hard, that my nails started to pierce into the palm of my hand. Blood, blood everywhere, blood doesn't matter anymore, I am soaked in blood, more blood wouldn't change a thing.

    I want to drive some far away place, behind a dam, a clearing, a field, somewhere very very remote. And I want to scream, howl, screech, until my voice gives up, until blood starts spewing out of my mouth."

    GoreLook at your fingers, you see those lines that segment your fingers? I want to cut my fingers, using those lines as a guide. I want to slowly cut out my limbs, starting from the right hand, to the wrist, the elbow, the arm, the shoulder. Then start all over from the left. Then my feet to the legs. Until I am nothing but a torso with a head, and then I'd wish for my neck to be sliced.

    I seem to have no empathy for myself, I have, of course, thought about suicide a lot, I can't talk about this, no one seems to care and even if they did, I can't possibly tell them about this, and hurt them. That's assuming I can find someone who will listen, and even if I did, they can't listen to me 24/7.

    Misery! It's what I have for breakfast, for lunch, and for dinner! Because I can't get the fuck up, I am depressed and chronically ill, and both of these fuckers like to feed each other off like a disgusting mukbang. I can barely get up to the bathroom, on many days I have to hold the piss in my kidneys to the point where they'd grow numb because of all the holding in.

    I am so fucking tired. and I CAN'T FUCKING KILL MYSELF Because here we fucking are, I have no accessible method to kill myself, and dear god if you suggest a method down below I'll tear your fucking eye balls out. I am done, I don't want to live, I don't want to die, I don't want to take another fucking breath anymore. Breathing is hard, it's fucking difficult, it hurts, both physically, and fucking mentally.

    PS: Hah. After wanting to add the content warnings for this, I hesitated before adding self-harm.

    Suicide, GoreI have never done self-harm, but I won't lie and say that I haven't contemplated it, that I haven't stared at a knife longingly, almost as longingly as a bird in a cage looking out the window. Very cheeky I know, but I can't describe the mesmerizing stare that I get when I'm staring at blood or fire. Oh fire, oh I would love to self-immolate my fucking self. And the knife, well I want to see my blood running down this fuck waste of a body. This body that has endured so much, and keeps enduring. With a mind that wishes for it to snap and fucking break.

    I won't die. If I decided to, I will make it a fucking spectacle.

    People seem to rush when self-harm is mentioned, suicide and gore seem to be your every day content warnings, but it's only when self-harm is included, that somehow things start to hurt. That's from my own experience anyway.

    And thank you, have a nice day.

    PS: I almost harmed myself! Yay! Boo fucking hoo. Here, have fun reading this

    Self-Harm, and Begging YourselfI almost attempted self harm today. I cried. I begged myself to stop, and I cried, I tried to stop myself, saying "please don't, please, please, please don't. I beg you, I beg of you, please don't. please don't do it, please don't" after variations of this for minutes, I managed to put the razor down.

    me trying to cope with my depression with music, colorized in c/depression_now@lemmy.world
    [–] 2 points 6 months ago

    Music is the only thing keeping me fueled anyway. I can't wake up without a song, can't eat without a song, and can't sleep without a song. There is always something playing in my head. I don't know what I would do if I lost my music.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
    •
    Venting about chronic pain in c/chronicillness@lemmy.world
    Venting about chronic pain in c/chronicillness@lemmy.world
    Venting about chronic pain in c/chronicillness@lemmy.world
    [–] [S] 2 points 6 months ago

    About grieving the life that you used to have/will never have. I got this at a pretty young age, so I don't really, I guess I miss being able to run. And sleeping and having most of the pain being gone. Ah yes, the grief, it's still there....

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • context
    • Venting about chronic pain in c/chronicillness@lemmy.world
    [–] [S] 3 points 6 months ago

    God that's so fucking true. I believe I'm on year 2, and for a long while I didn't get any help for it. It is only recently that I looked into getting help, mainly medication. The anti depressants did something alright, but the pain is still there, pulsing. Yeah truly 1/3 of a good day, the rest is just a makeshift haphazard duct tape operation of trying not to fully lose it, at least that's for me.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • context
    • 24
    Venting about chronic pain (sh.itjust.works)
     

    I am disabled. It's fibromyalgia.

    For the last god knows how long this has been going on, I wasn't able to move. If it's not my chronic pain, then it's my depression, and when they work together, well, let's just say that one of the pastimes that has been forced upon me is just fucking existing. Like a void where the only thing you could do is feel pain, and all of the fucking physical needs that your body needs, food, water, going to the toilet, warmth, etc. Woke up today, couldn't do anything decided to go to sleep. Slept a lot, which is like, hey! I can sleep now! With the help of fucking anti depressants!!! On the other hand, now that I can sleep, I don't have the only reason that kept me functioning for so long, fucking adrenaline. The only thing that made me able to get up, walk, eat, and shit, was motherfucking adrenaline. So after I woke up, I couldn't move, was very fucking hungry, somehow managed to find the energy to make breakfast after arguing with my family, then I went back to my room, and I just laid down. Laid down for maybe 4 or 5 hours, then tried to get up and realized that oh no! I can't fucking move, apparently. And the only fucking reason that I am here, typing this, through the pain, is pure fucking rage and spite. That's how I got up. I thought of something, it made me very angry, and I jolted out of bed.

    And so on the topic of suicide,I don't even. I might just kill myself in spite of everyone. EXCEPT THAT WON'T FUCKING MATTER, NOBODY FUCKING CARES IF I LIVED OR DIED. NO ONE. So I have always thought about making it a spectacle by setting myself on fire or something. But I'm way too fucking tired and paralyzed to do any of that. So no, I won't kill myself. But you bet that I'm considering it

    *Permanently Deleted* in c/albumartporn@lemmy.world
    "male" fantasies in c/transmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    Finally can post something to this community lol in c/unixsocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    Nothing finer than a well placed triplet in c/metalmemes@lemmy.world
    So easily in c/autism@lemmy.world
    20
    Bell Witch - Longing (2012) [Funeral Doom] (sh.itjust.works)
     

    cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/49796953

    Albub cubber, good 👍

    I love Bell Witch. I've already listened to Mirror Reaper and The Clandestine Gate. There's something about Bell Witch's music, that compels me to breathe in the rhythm of the music. I felt that at the first track, I just started breathing, slowly, try to breathe with Bell Witch music, maybe you'll understand what I mean.

    I would of course, recommend the entire album, but if I had to choose some tracks to hook you to it, I'd choose the second track Rows (Of Endless Waves) and the fifth track I Wait.

    Bell Witch are an absolute must for any funeral doom fan, especially Mirror Reaper.

    Bandcamp, Youtube, Spotify, Tidal

    3
    adora (she-ra), anne boonchuy, carmen sandiego, cleopatra (cleopatra in space), hilda (hilda), kipo oak, luz noceda, miko kubota, molly mcgee, reggie abbott, and tulip olsen [drawfag] breathes in (files.catbox.moe)
     

    amphibia, batman (series), carmen sandiego (series), cleopatra in space, dc comics, glitch techs, hilda (series), infinity train, kipo and the age of wonderbeasts, she-ra and the princesses of power, the ghost and molly mcgee, the owl house, and twelve forever

    danbooru | twitter | Full Sized Image |

    hilda rules (No characters were harmed in this drawing. They're just having a little nappy)

    view more: next ›