I'm a transfem who, once long ago, took an aikido class. I totally get violence. It can be very gratifying. I probably couldn't win any fight, but I like the idea of being handled by a big guy. What you're describing with the motorcycles and such almost sounds like leather culture, which I definitely have engaged with.

As a transfem I can say with certainty that I have had the same experiences. I'm not saying you should transition, I'm only saying that the behavior you've described doesn't fit a masculine stereotype. This is good, because gender roles are for the straights.

At the same time, there is something to be said for male socialization taking away some forms of emotional expression that could harm your ability to connect to other people. If you come across as stoic or quiet or overly self-conscious, you're seen as someone who dislikes people. Obviously you aren't, but this is a perception I struggle with as well. Arguably this difficulty in making friends isn't a queer issue at all, it's just a personality thing that you can work on by building confidence and doing more therapy.

Yes this is gay and yes Spongebob has a large gay audience. You usually don't make a quick meal like soup for a friend you're not fucking or in love with. Squidward was always a gay-coded character. While this relationship portrayal is incredibly sweet, I've always disliked Patrick and I don't personally ship them.

had dreams of getting fucked by demons, woke up hard

I had one day of sex education in elementary in the early 2000s. The seminar was gender-segregated and consisted of a video from the 80s

Absolutely gorgeous 😍

True for bisexuals in general, but bisexual twinks are always welcome.

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way! You look super cute and super sad. If you aren't already, you could cosider dating a girl who could provide some affirmation and help with beauty and such. From that photo, everything seems physiologically perfect, but I do get a certain vibe that is consistent with the things you've said. If you want some advice from random people here, I have some pointers:

• The emo/goth look does nothing to make you less depressed
• Try dyeing your hair
• Try wearing lighter colors
• Smile! :)

You look great! I hope fascist fashion isn't the new thing. I want to wear my electric blues, fishnet gloves, tights, and microskirts.

A sense of adequacy as a person, but this is tied to a relationship as much as sex. Being able to make someone cum when they have had difficulty with other partners is a terribly wonderful feeling to have, especially when one can anticipate future visits and possibly a life with this person.

You look amazing! And you look quite dressed up by Oregon standards. Is that considered business-casual?