The is is the best summary I could come up with:

Homie said he was retiring but then went, “Nahh” and is making another film.

The original article contains 205 words, the summary contains 14 words. Saved 94%.

He will do anything to not spend time with his son

Something tells me even when he dies he'll still find a way to keep making films.

What a negative headline. My version:

Miyazaki continues to succeed at postponing retirement and sharing masterful storytelling with the world

Can't quit smoking, can't quit anime. He probably has a PC with an old game running for the past thirty years because he ain't quitting to desktop.

He probably feels tired and the pains of old age and thinks “this can’t last much longer. Better stop now and not leave unfinished work. “ But it then goes for long enough for him to get bored and feel he’s wasting time, so off he goes.

Can’t be easy. We never know when we actually have to stop. Probably better to just keep going until the end.

Least surprising headline

Eh, I'm OK with that.

This is the best summary I could come up with:

The Boy and the Heron, Hayao Miyazaki’s first feature film in a decade, probably won’t be his last after all.

Studio Ghibli executive Junichi Nishioka told CBC News that not only does he not feel like retiring anymore, he’s actively coming into work to create yet another film.

“Other people say that [The Boy and the Heron] might be his last film, but he doesn’t feel that way at all,” Nishioka told CBC, through a translator, at the Toronto International Film Festival (via Gizmodo).

I will leave you with the epic first three paragraphs that Alicia Haddick wrote for us on this very topic last month:

“I have caused a stir in the past by saying I was quitting,” Miyazaki said a decade ago.

There are things that I have always wanted to do, but it does not involve animation.”

The original article contains 205 words, the summary contains 140 words. Saved 32%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!

The Terry Funk of Animated Films.

What a failure