In other news, hundreds of Alabama hospital staff were arrested for keeping children locked in freezing rooms for weeks on end.

How many embryos do you think you can manage to store? According to one site, storage costs are $400-$600 per year. You should be able to claim one exemption for each embryo and wipe out your withholding taxes. Maybe even get some extra state benefits, like qualifying for state aid since your income is so low on a per-child basis.

The storage facilities can then claim child tax credits for each embryo, right? Are the embryos currently considered in-prisoned against their will? Welfare and food stamp application for the embryos should be interesting. Can I install a freezer with hundreds of frozen embryos, then use taxpayer money to help pay for my mansion to "shelter" them in? Where is the line drawn? Are menstrual cycles without pregnancy considered murder each month? WTF

Being as I am from the Nordics where religion is generally not too visible in public life, seeing language that is this explicitly religious in legal text is just mind-boggling:

the Alabama Constitution Section 36.06, which argues that each person was made in God’s image, meaning each life has an incalculable value that “cannot be wrongfully destroyed without incurring the wrath of a holy God.”

Also, here's a completely random legal factlet for you: the Criminal Code of Finland was originally written into law in 1889 and it still has an "intro" from tsar Alexander III of Russia. It translates to approximately this:

We Alexander the Third, by the Grace of God, Emperor and Sovereign of the whole Russian Empire, Tsar of Poland, Grand Duke of Finland, etc., etc., etc., etc., do hereby make known: by the subordinate proposal of the State Legislatures of Finland, We hereby graciously establish the following criminal code for the Grand Duchy of Finland, the enforcement of which, as well as the execution of penalties, shall be the subject of a special decree

That's the only part left of the original law, the rest has been amended a zillion times and I think the oldest sections in the current text are from the 70's. Why that bit from the tsar is still there is honestly a good question, considering our time under Russian rule isn't exactly fondly remembered (although wasn't nearly as bad as what they got in the Baltics for example).

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God (and Alabama) gets quite irate.

Do these hospitals and labs have to apply for a daycare license?

And are lab technicians, nurses, doctors, and scientists now forced to endure babysitter minimum wages as a result of this ruling?

Obvious sarcasm. Alabama is such an embarrassment to the free world.

If there's no shit to clean up, there's no child.

Interpret that however you will.

Nobody actually believes this bullshit. Anyone who was forced to choose between saving a toddler and a canister containing 1000 human embryos, would choose the toddler.

We are being ruled by braindead morons...

We should rule that wasted sperm is also murder.

If embryos are children is every period a murder?

I guess this is what they mean, when they say reality beats fiction.
This level of insanity is astounding.
They say USA is as religious as Iran. I guess they could be right.
Claiming late bronze age ignorant superstitious writings as the basis for decisions on laws today is insane by any standard, except the standard of religious insanity.

Cool so we can claim these frozen embryos on our taxes right? We can get state benefits that are allotted to children for these embryos as well?

And then things got worse.

Wait till a freezer breaks down

Alabama can barely read...

Children are more and more expensive. They have to be frozen now?

In other news - dumb southern states doing dumb southern things.

Well ‘bama better provide some schooling for them ‘children’!

Thousands of teeeny tiny lil seats and books.

Frustrating that the article doesn't link to the actual ruling

Unless I missed it. In which case, I need new glasses