I dont think there is tbh. You just ask, like there's no way somebody asking me to say yes, just ask it and ill say no and we'll move on. If i wanted to say yes i would.

Yeah, and my friend got an ask that was honest and vulnerable, and I honestly can’t blame the girl for anything other than asking the absolute wrong guy. My friend (actually no longer a friend and this is a data point in the trend that led to more distance) knew her from grad school and immediately kink-shamed them to no end, showed people the text (which made the couple seem super legit vs. Friendo), and was generally terrible about it. We even told him to chill and just say no thanks… ugh, nope. But that’s his insecurity. Always felt bad for the couple.