That is a big part of it.

When the first question you are asked for decades when meeting someone is "What do you do?" it gets ingrained that your only value is what you do.

Add in the fact that men hitting that age now have basically never received any positive reaction for expressing any emotions or vulnerability and usually outright been mocked for doing so and it is no wonder they are are hard group to reach...

I just want to say something about the mental health practitioners not calling back:

It's the worst part about getting help is how hard it is to find. This is true for all folks, too. So, I just want to provide a quick how-to because I've been through that particular step 5 or 6 times and it's only slightly less annoying when you know the best steps to take. Not saying you didn't do all these things, and not saying you shoulda known if you didn't, but this is for anyone reading this. This also only applies for US. Idk how other countries do it, but it's probably better than this.

1. UnInsured? Skip step 2 and 3

2. Find your health care card. Call the number(s) on the back. Reach a human (never easy). Ask for a list of mental healthcare practitioners that are within x miles of CITY. use biggest nearby city for best results. Or just say STATE if your state is small enough. Regional accuracies may vary.

3. Go to psychologytoday.com or google around for another mental healthcare finder. Use the list you got from your insurer.

4. Search by your conditions at a site line psychologytoday.com. curate as long a list of options as you can for your area.

5. Mass email to all of them. "Hi. I'm dealing with SYMPTOMS, I have this healthcare. I was wondering if you were accepting new patients." Send.

Within 1 week, if you have no response, re email all of them and say you got no response and you're really trying to find help, and if they could give you recommendations, that would be great.

6. Setup appointments. First sessions suck. And it takes a solid 3 sessions to know for sure if someone is a possible fit.

7. If they're not a good fit, you go back to your list. This repetition is exhausting, especially because when you finally reach out for help, you're at a breaking point, and all of this feels like too much already. Keep going.

8. Hopefully you find someone that's a good fit through this process. It sucks. Hang in there.

Men can help each other and SHOULD help each other. Women's groups exist because women recognized issues and organized themselves to help each other. This is why women's DV shelters exist, for example. (BTW, women's DV shelters may help men in need, there are arrangements that can be made to help but keep women and kids separated for their mental health and safety.)

Men can do the same thing and should do the same thing. Perhaps growing that sense of community and learning how to help others will build the social support that men seem to be lacking. But you men have to do it collectively yourself - no one "somebody" will do it for you.

I hope you are doing better these days. (Edit): I do not expect you personally to be able to do the hard work of organizing a DV shelter. This is why it is so important for men as a class to work together to support each other too.

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2017 and it's shit.

That's not just an idea - its physical reality. You can't get your physical needs met in old age if you didn't win the lotto. Suicide is the retirement plan for most of us non-boomers.

Cuz society mocks and looks down upon men who open up and talk. There's very little room for error being a man.

Sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like a good guy. I wish we all had a better and easier way to die with dignity and on our own terms.

The capitalists tortured your father out of your father month by month, week by week, until only a shell, no longer productive, was cut loose to die as it was no longer useful to them.

That is what the capitalists do to us while they live large and pat themselves on the back for it.

Saw this happen to my both my grandfathers, one died around 60 and the other around 80. Even the 60yo one, watching the mental decline was heartbreaking. Being left with literally nothing, losing your memories while you lose control of other parts of your body, these men were long gone long before they passed. Nothing in this world scares me like aging with dimentia does. You literally lose the person, sometimes completely, before they even die and you gotta sit there and be strong for them knowing that the slow desent will come for you too, and thats only if you're lucky enough to get that old. It's just not fair for anyone and there's scarcely any dignity in death.

I feel myself heading this way. So much of my identity is wrapped up in what I can do and service I can provide. When my body fails, and it's starting to slow down even now, what will my identity be?

Shit I'm 40 and regret not having done so.

Going the drugs and Vegas route while be chased by 50 US marshals with fireworks shooting out of a stolen sports car in the desert. I Want the grand kids to think I was legendary and not a person stuck in a tomb of a body.