I was out on St Patrick's day and saw a guy go by in a novelty top hat that looked similar to this:

And I shouted "Holy shit! It's St Jamiroquai!" to absolutely zero response

I'm at a conference of global research scientists and this was what was in all the drink cabinets

I sent it to my colleague and said they clearly hadn't met us. Still looking for the cabinets of dumb butch juice.

My spouse was taking about her imposter syndrome this morning and was like, "I'm gonna wake up one day and have clients and I'll be like, where did they come from?!" To which o responded, "you may say to yourself, this is not my beautiful house, and you may say to yourself, this is not my beautiful wife"

She did not get the joke.

A thread here about some recent comments from Hillary Clinton a couple weeks ago led to people saying they don't want to hear from her after losing to a fascist. Someone said we wouldn't be here if she could give a half decent blowjob.

I said "stop blaming women for aging"

Bunch of people (for lemmy's scale) took it as me being a social justice warrior (I guess?) that genuinely meant she got older.

No, I was making a joke about Bill's preference for children. I thought it'd land without extra context. Oh well, at least I sleep at night knowing my name still isn't in the epstein files

I quote the original Tron a fuckton. "Greetings, Programs!" when I get into work and people are looking for me. Calling people Null Unit. Or last night when someone made a suggestion and I said "no no no no no no" in a sort of higher pitched monotone and none of my friends got it. I was quoting Bit.

I suggested lubricating a female dog with teak oil when she was whining. This joke does not translate well.

This post:

To which I answered

It's a reference to very old car Chrysler car commercials with Ricardo Montalban (Khan).

No I cannot. Because I forgot. It's an 'in the moment' thing and once that moment has passed, it's gone.

I've learned the lemmy requires a "/s" tag 99.99% of the time.

I did a meme image, but forget to put a big red circle and arrow pointing at the salient element, which only took up 66% of the image.

Some how we were talking about dogs and giving dog facts. I made a 'dogs can't look up' reference. No one got the joke