Just start your car. It's cheaper

Pro tip: Don´t start playing with your cat when there is something on the stove, just don´t.

converting calories into carbon hydrate charcoal

I just obliterated some chicken wings not longer than an hour ago when my toaster oven ignited some grease in the catch pan so I can relate to this.

Instructions unclear, I now have smoke inhalation.

So this is the secret locked away behind those paywalls . . .