Of course, I'd do all the obvious things, such as getting a bigger house, a newer car, and quitting work, but beyond that, I have no interest in an extravagant lifestyle—or at least that's what I tell myself.
By a bigger house, I mean one typical of upper-middle-class living. I've watched plenty of videos of people touring million-dollar mansions, and they all look too big, open, and sterile to me. I've seen cozier tiny homes than those. And by a newer car, I mean a 2017 model or so instead of the 2007 one I drive now.
Really, give me a nice cottage by the lake with some land and a big garage for all my tools and toys, and I'm all set. I much prefer the idea of "hidden wealth" over showing it off. I'm just kind of worried that I wouldn't be able to live up to my own expectations if push comes to shove, and there's really no way of testing that. Am I just kidding myself here?
I feel the same way about fame. Many people aspire to become successful YouTubers or such, but the idea of people recognizing me on the street sounds awful.
Still rambling on with jealousy eh? I feel good about myself surrounded by my loving family and friends. I don't feel good about myself because I can afford a house and others can't.
You are jealousy is preventing you from accepting reality. It's also quite clearly what's holding you back.
You're so confused. You alternate between saying I'm trying to impress people and then I'm trying to deny it. I'm doing neither. I'm simply stating reality. A reality that you seem too dense to grasp and yes, you're absolutely impoverished and when I say that I'm not talking about your bank account, I'm talking about your mental abilities.