My pleasure. You're also welcome for all those Hollywood movies I'm apparently responsible for.

A Gallilean philosopher and ex-slave was teaching a class on Paul, known Christian.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Jesus Christ and accept that he is the greatest deity ever, even greater than Jupiter Optimus Maximus!"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, Centurion who had served 30 years duty and worshiped the Emperors every day stood up.

"Who is the son of god?"

The arrogant philosopher smirked and smugly replied "Jesus Christ, you stupid pagan"

"Wrong. It’s Augustus Caesar. If it was Jesus Christ, as you say... then why did he die pathetically on the cross instead of creating an IMPERIVM SINE FINE?"

The philosopher was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of the Gospel of Luke. He stormed out of the room crying those crocodile tears. The same tears Christians cry for the conquered Gauls and Britons (who today live in such luxury that most even visit baths every week) when they jealously try to claw justly earned riches from the deserving legionaries. There is no doubt that at this point the "learned" Christian wished he had joined the auxilia and become more than a cultist preacher of barbarian superstitions. He wished so much that he had a gladius to disembowel himself with due to the shame, but he had none for he himself had always preached unconditional pacifism!

The students applauded and all joined the legions that day and accepted the Emperor as their lord and savior. An eagle flew into the room and perched atop the SPQR symbol and shed a tear on the chalk. The 12 tables were read several times, and the Emperor himself showed up and sentenced all Christians to die in the Flavian Amphitheatre.

The philosopher lost his tenure and was sent to the lions the next day. He died with a thunderous applause and was tossed into Tartarus for all eternity.

Ave, true to Caesar

[copypasta not mine]