I'd like to amend that with "whatever the fuck you want, so long as you're not hurting anyone," because plenty of these dudes live by doing whatever they want, but they don't give two shits about how it affects everyone else.

I think what you're saying is more about being HUmanly. Once you try to assert what manliness is and isnt it becomes clear that gender is a social construct and that people should just do what they feel is right regardless of what abstract groups they identify with

Pretty much I think the only person who's opinion you should care about is your significant other you're going for. Literally who cares about anyone else's opinions lol, they aren't a part of your life.