Terrible lonelyness...

36 years old man, have been overweight almost all my life, balding, have only a few friends, lives alone.

I matured in my mid twenties, that is when I started being interested in finding a partner, unfortunately, I worked alternating 12h day/night shifts on an irregular schedule at the time, and my life was just work/eat/rest/sleep, I had no real time abd energy to meet new people.

After four and half years of that, I got a normal job, but felt completely lost in where to even start finding people, and still am now seven years later.

I work in IT, and am good at talking to people normally, but as soon as the talk get's more personal I don't really know how to keep going and be interesting, I also have trouble asking the right questions in the right way so I have a tendancy to seem self centered, but I am working on it.

The reason I can be this open about my issues here is that it helps me reflect on myself and analyze what I need to work on, and that I am writing behind a mask of annonymity.

Also, while I am very lonely, I know how to deal with it through distractions and shifting focus from the feelings, I know it isn't healthy, but I am a master of repressing feelings, sometimes I do let them out and give myself a good solid cry about the situation.

In the end, my life isn't terrible in general, I do stuff all the time, I own my own apartment, small car, good camera, decent computer and I realize i could be far worse off.