this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023

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Men's Liberation

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spaduf@slrpnk.net

I'm a trans man. I didn't realize how broken men are (newsweek.com)

submitted 3 years ago by spaduf@slrpnk.net [M] to c/mensliberation@lemmy.ca

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -32 points 3 years ago* (4 children)

Men are also different from women. Not just physically but mentally. Part of the problem the writer had was not understanding how male friendships work and expecting a mirror of female friendships. Certainly it can be lonelier as a man but in some ways it's just the way we are.

You ain't never had a friend.

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[–] spaduf@slrpnk.net [S] 54 points 3 years ago* (4 children)

I think the important thing here is that there's absolutely no reason it HAS to be this way. These aren't intrinsic properties of male and female friendships. They are driven primarily by cultural factors and have changed significantly even over recent history.

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[+] fartsparkles@sh.itjust.works 42 points 3 years ago* (1 child)

[deleted]

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[–] offendicula@fedia.io 15 points 3 years ago (1 child)

This is so eloquent. Your group has a beautiful thing and you are truly honoring your friend's memory.

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[–] fartsparkles@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 years ago (1 child)

I really appreciate you taking the time to say that.

A side note to the above; men struggle to keep friends, especially as the years go on, but our group keeps growing (all initiated to the power of hugs and love).

I think it’s the openness that’s made it so much easier to stick together rather than fade away. I hope more men can open up and deeply bond beyond surface interests and common spaces.

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[–] offendicula@fedia.io 4 points 3 years ago

Of course! Changing the world starts with changing the world immediately around you. You're truly doing good, even more so by opening your group to newcomers!

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[+] Malek061@lemmy.world 0 points 3 years ago

[removed by mod]

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[+] electrogamerman@lemmy.world -18 points 3 years ago (1 child)

Men and women are mentally different and it has nothing tobdo with culture.

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[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@sh.itjust.works 19 points 3 years ago

It does when it comes to closeness and intimacy with friends. Look at a lot of European cultures where kissing your friends is extremely common and closeness is normalized.

It's all the anti gay shit that gets spread in America that makes men uncomfortable to be close and open with their friends

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -30 points 3 years ago (2 children)

Where the hell do you think cultural factors come from?

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[–] migo@lemmy.world 28 points 3 years ago (1 child)

Where do you? Do you think that all societies in the world have the same culture as you?

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -24 points 3 years ago (1 child)

I'm just saying the cultures arise from the people. There's a reason things are the way they are and it's not some evil corporation or government trying to oppress us. At least in the west. Can't quite say that about China or other Communist regimes.

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[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 years ago (1 child)

Things are the way they are because people are forced into the culture they were born into and are pressured at every angle to stay that way or face social backlash.

I got called gay cause I got too excited while talking to one of my friends. Because it's a common culture trait in America that any overly positive emotion towards another guy means your a sissy boy

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -14 points 3 years ago (2 children)

They called you gay not because they thought you were homosexual but as an offhanded insult. The two definitions have been disconnected for quite a while.

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[–] darq@kbin.social 17 points 3 years ago (1 child)

I mean, no, the definitions are not disconnected at all. Gay was used as an insult because it meant homosexual.

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -7 points 3 years ago (1 child)

Was.

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[–] darq@kbin.social 10 points 3 years ago

Only because the term has mostly fallen out of use. If you still use "gay" as an insult, it absolutely is still homophobic.

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[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 years ago

Trust me it wasn't just an insult where I grew up it had a seriously negative impact on my ability to socialize or form any kind of romantic relationship

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[–] blanketswithsmallpox@kbin.social 6 points 3 years ago

You're right to a point, it's just coming off as dismissive.

Yes, men and women are built differently through biology. Yes, hormones give an innate edge for certain factors. One of them may very well be the ability to last without a social structure for longer than women. We've slowly built up our society with smoky mirrors of those facts around us.

What they're saying is that nature vs nurture isn't 100% one way or the other which I think you'd agree with. It's more you're both pressing pedantic points lol.

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[+] PeepinGoodArgs@reddthat.com 25 points 3 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 child)

[deleted]

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -16 points 3 years ago (1 child)

I'm just saying that men in general have a much easier time being alone. I don't think we should always be alone, but more men than women have the ability to be solitary and happy at the same time.

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[–] girlfreddy@sh.itjust.works 22 points 3 years ago (1 child)

What if being solitary and happy has zero foundation in being a "man" but comes about from being rejected by society as the man one is?

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -6 points 3 years ago (3 children)

You do realize half of society is men right?

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[–] GunnarRunnar@kbin.social 14 points 3 years ago

You mean that other men can't reject you because you don't represent their version of an ideal man or what?

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[–] girlfreddy@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 years ago

And the other 50% is women, some of whom are solitary and happy because we don't fit society's idea of what a woman should be.

Sit down.

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[–] Alto@kbin.social 7 points 3 years ago

And the vast majority of pushback I've received for trying to change this sort of thing has come from other men. What exactly is your point?

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[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 years ago* (2 children)

Bro, I would do anything for long, deep hugs. I am unlucky enough to never have been hugged by anyone.

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[–] SIGSEGV@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 years ago (1 child)

That's so sad. I'd give you a hug, buddy!

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[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 5 points 3 years ago

Thank you so much.

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[–] Osirus@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 years ago (2 children)

How is that even possible.

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[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 10 points 3 years ago

Easily possible. Grow up somewhere with a lot of macho man mentality with a toxic masculine father figure that wants nothing more than for you to grow up to be their clone that only like MAN stuff. Took me over 30 years to be hugged the way I didn't know i needed to be hugged because I fell into a friendship with a woman that knew a few broken men.

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[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 6 points 3 years ago (1 child)

I don't have any answer. Perhaps, fault lies with me, perhaps, I am just unlucky.

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[–] Osirus@sh.itjust.works 0 points 3 years ago (1 child)

Uh. What state do you live in?

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[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 7 points 3 years ago (1 child)

Me? Mostly in the state of depression. /s

I couldn't resist. I live in India.

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[–] Osirus@sh.itjust.works 1 point 3 years ago

Lol nice. Well I'm sorry, if you lived in the US in a state that we frequent, I would get you a few hugs. Maybe you should just make a sign that says free hugs and stand in the middle of a public area. I'll bet you would get some real good ones...

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[–] bouh@lemmy.world 4 points 3 years ago (1 child)

The problem is not about you. It's about your ability to accept another man who wants a "female" friendship. And apparently you don't want any of that, which makes you part of the problem.

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[+] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -7 points 3 years ago

I'm talking about a woman who wanted to physically be a man but is still mentally programmed as a woman could not understand male friendships. It's not that men don't have friends or deep friendships. It's just that they're usually different from the opposite gender.

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