Today on Melbourne roads:

• Bicycle rider jumping a speed bump on the wrong side of the road nearly hit us.
• Doing 105 on the Calder overtaking a bunch of cars doing 90. SUV towing a caravan cuts me off and proceeds to fish tail and nearly lost control a few times.
• Tonight also on the Calder. Absolutely pissing down so most of us were cruising at 80kmh. Except for that muppet who decided that he could fly past at maybe 120.
• Doing 80 on a very quiet rural road of some sort. No idea what I did wrong but a bird somehow managed to land a massive shit on our windshield. Of all the places and time they could've shitted, it had to be on us driving past under the tree.