“Let me tell you folks, I read. Big words, small words, I read all kinds of words. Hell, I’ve read thousands of words just this morning. They call me the greatest reader of all time, folks. Some of the toughest books, magazines, I read them all. Not like that fool Ron DeSatanist, I bet he hasn’t read a single book in his life. Sleepy Joe? Probably forgot how to read just like he forgot how to be president. But me, I read more than anyone in the world. I am, what some folks call, a “reader”. And that’s why, folks, you can trust me, you can donate to me, because I’m a very smart guy, because I read, you know, smart people, they read. It’s just what I do, I read. Now if you excuse me folks, I’ve gotta go start reading.”