Dude for real. A cheap bidet attachment for your toilet is the way to go.
First off, a bidet is better than toilet paper. I've been using it for years, and it cleans you 100%. I use basically 1 square of TP to dry myself after, and it's always completely clean. If you had a bird shit on your arm would you just wipe it off with paper and call it a day?
I laughed at all my friends who made fun of me for getting one on all my toilets after the great TP shortage of 2021, and a few of them ended up switching over.
For the apocalypse I have a camping toilet with a foot operated bidet. I mean I already use it when car camping, and I have a hand bidet for backpacking.
Solar panels are also in play. I also bought a freeze dryer and have about 5 deers worth of freeze dried jerky, and buy and freeze dry on sale fruit and veggies pretty regularly. I try to maintain around a 1-2 year supply of on hand food. A few steel plates, ar-15 pistol, and enough ammo to hold off the upper floor for quite a while too, but that's another conversation. I'm as ready to go as I can though, let's do this.