$2? I’d go back to 2012 or whatever and mine it using free electricity in grad school. Hell I’d use their cluster, call the slurm job something like “orbital_freq_prime_factors”

And I’d break up with my college girlfriend

And I’d bring my doctoral dissertation back in time so I didn’t have to write it

Even if the bitcoins didn’t work out, maybe I could buy Pokémon cards for cheap and sell them