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Women on the Tea App Are Red-Flagging Men for Liking Pokémon (www.distractify.com)
submitted 2 days ago by to c/offbeat@lemmy.ca
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[–] 14 points 2 days ago* (2 children)

The app is women-only. If you’re a man, you can’t download it, can’t search it, and can’t respond to anything on it.

So ... what's stopping men from setting up a burner device, pretending to be a woman, and using the app?

Hell, for that matter, it would probably be very beneficial to set up some sock-puppet accounts to post glowing 'green flag' reviews of yourself.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    I guess, if you're that into the waspish drama-queens that gossip more than breathe, sure. Got a thing for Karens, Jessicas, et al?

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  • [–] 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)

    It would be really nice if this could exist without being petty. I dated a guy who lied to me about having been in jail for nearly two decades for beating his mother to death, and I would love to be able to warn others about him. I have a google alert set up for his name and got a ping a few years ago that he was arrested for violating a restraining order taken out by the woman he dated after me and felt awful that I wasn’t able to warn her.

    It’s both predictable and annoying that people are using it to be petty, but the concept is still useful, even if some use it in a way I find shallow. I don’t think it’s wild to imagine that some women would see this report and take it as a green flag. I met up with my husband for the first time after we matched on a dating app to play magic the gathering with him, so I know that some women look for nerds when dating. I previously went on a date with a different guy to play magic (I like seeing how someone plays, wins, and loses, plus it’s a low pressure first date activity that helps ease conversation), and he showed me his Khorne tattoo. He said he just really identified with the character when I asked why he had chosen Khorne, and I absolutely took that as a red flag, not because it’s nerdy, but because I don’t want to date someone who identifies with Khorne.

    I would 100% support a twin app for men about women, to be clear, and I don’t know what the solution would be for non cishetero dating, but I wouldn’t be against any of them.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    I’m not sure how to do it in a way that can’t be abused, sadly. My instinct is that maybe domestic violence (DV) crimes should be public knowledge - i.e. offenders, offences and sentences (but not victim information) should be on a publicly searchable database - but I’m not sure what unintended consequences there might be to this. My gut tells me that women reporting DV might experience more backlash from violent partners because reporting the DV puts the offender on a ‘list’, and that maybe it could encourage some abusers to vexatiously make false accusations to try to get someone on the list, but I don’t know how likely either of those would be. There’s not a simple solution, but we need to keep searching for the difficult solution because the status quo leads to way too many women dying at the hands of current or former partners.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago (1 child)

    In my country, an influencer set up such a website. Posts are manually reviewed and will link to the conviction decision. You can post domestic violence and sexual abuse perpetrators who have been committed. The court decisions are actually public data anyway, just a bit annoying to search.

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  • [–] 1 point 19 hours ago

    Now, to fix the court system so that certain people don't file a DV claim to fuck with someone, knowing full well it'll get thrown out at best, but without any blowback on the perpetrator. 🤢

    The system is not made for serving any of us —it was designed to incarcerate our population in record numbers, and with impunity.

    ACAB, the whole way up.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Show me a reality where it doesn't devolve into a platform for stalking.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago (1 child)

    I can see that, and if this were the only way for people to look up a member of the public without them having created a public profile, I wouldn’t support it. It would be much easier to stalk someone through the websites where you can input a phone number and get all the associated addresses and additional contact information, though. In jurisdictions where those are allowed, I think the information shared on this type of platform is much less useful for stalking and more useful for legitimate purposes.

    Although I would be curious about how a platform like this would work legally in a jurisdiction with solid privacy laws.

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  • [–] -1 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Nah, sorry. The excuse women use is safety, it's just gossip at industrial scale.

    I'm gonna build a men-only app for libeling women. We'll call it Dox.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    From my original comment:

    I would 100% support a twin app for men about women, to be clear, and I don’t know what the solution would be for non cishetero dating, but I wouldn’t be against any of them.

    I’m not bothered if you build an app, though I don’t know why people would want to use it if it were intentionally libelous.

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  • [–] 0 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Why do they use Tea? Gossip. Gossip doesn't have to be true, just interesting.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago

    Maybe some, but that’s helpful, because people who use it for gossip will self select out of dating people on it, and the people who use it for safety reasons won’t be scared off by gossip.

    It’s definitely not why I would use it if my ex weren’t in jail or I were dating. It’s easy to verify claims that people make, but sometimes it’s hard to realize that something needs to be researched at all.

    I was about to do an apprenticeship as an instrument maker with someone I knew tangentially through a network of related hobbies, and a woman in the same network approached me and said she didn’t believe the gossip [that I’d never heard], she knew he was a good guy and I could see for myself if I used an alternate spelling of his name that I’d never encountered. I googled that spelling and found several articles including pictures about how he had raped and beaten his step kids. I still don’t know what her motivation was, because she really did seem to be friends with him, but I noped out of that apprenticeship real quick. I would never have known to look that up if I hadn’t been tipped off.

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