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Would you date a workaholic? [DuckDuckGo Sociology] (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 4 hours ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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I'm a guy who has been dating a woman for several months. She is self-employed and I swear about 20% of our conversations is her explaining all the things she has to do every day that may prevent her from being able to commit to seeing me. She swears she just got backed up on things and she'll become more available, but I see her inventory continuing to grow, not shrink. She is also constantly supervising people on a variety of house projects (mutual disinterest in me getting involved there).

So I decided to ask the internet (DuckDuckGo (DDG) specifically): Am I dating a workaholic? What I found surprised me. I imagined I'd find a bunch of stupid little Cosmo-style quizzes, with the understanding that the reader would find out they were dating an workaholic and leave the relationship. Instead what I found was article after article after article with titles like,

  • How to Date a Workaholic: 8 Steps (with Pictures)
  • Dating a Workaholic (13 Tips to Make It Work)
  • 12 Tips to Cope when Dating a Workaholic

The internet is assuming I WANT to date a workaholic.

Contrast that with results to the question Am I dating someone emotionally unavailable? DDG more straightforwardly answer the question ("17 Signs Someone is Emotionally Unavailable") with a sprinkling of advice for how to cope.

I see workaholism as basically identical to emotional unavailability, but obviously it's treated differently by society (maybe because it comes with money and home repairs?). So what is going on? Would you date a workaholic?

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[–] 1 point 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 child)

I could maybe understand if they were starting a business - since they can take a lot of time and effort to get off the ground. Of course that comes with the assumption that eventually they can stop spending so much time.

I've started thinking that "workaholism" is just a societally approved method of avoidance. Most self-described workaholics I've met are men who seem to dislike their wives and children. Working all the time lets them "provide for the family" while never actually being there for them.

Edit: I feel like I should point out that sometimes people do actually need to work so much to provide for their family - those aren't the people I'm talking about.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 3 hours ago

    Her business is well established, so that's not it.

    Yeah, I do wonder about the gender dynamics of this; if people targetted by those search results are mostly women dealing with workaholic men; "breadwinner" is the only role men are mandated to have in a family, so I guess women are more willing to go along with someone who takes it too seriously?

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