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Would you date a workaholic? [DuckDuckGo Sociology] (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 day ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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I'm a guy who has been dating a woman for several months. She is self-employed and I swear about 20% of our conversations is her explaining all the things she has to do every day that may prevent her from being able to commit to seeing me. She swears she just got backed up on things and she'll become more available, but I see her inventory continuing to grow, not shrink. She is also constantly supervising people on a variety of house projects (mutual disinterest in me getting involved there).

So I decided to ask the internet (DuckDuckGo (DDG) specifically): Am I dating a workaholic? What I found surprised me. I imagined I'd find a bunch of stupid little Cosmo-style quizzes, with the understanding that the reader would find out they were dating an workaholic and leave the relationship. Instead what I found was article after article after article with titles like,

  • How to Date a Workaholic: 8 Steps (with Pictures)
  • Dating a Workaholic (13 Tips to Make It Work)
  • 12 Tips to Cope when Dating a Workaholic

The internet is assuming I WANT to date a workaholic.

Contrast that with results to the question Am I dating someone emotionally unavailable? DDG more straightforwardly answer the question ("17 Signs Someone is Emotionally Unavailable") with a sprinkling of advice for how to cope.

I see workaholism as basically identical to emotional unavailability, but obviously it's treated differently by society (maybe because it comes with money and home repairs?). So what is going on? Would you date a workaholic?

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[–] 2 points 1 day ago (1 child)

I think to me it would depend on what that work was and the person's attitude towards it. I dated a doctor who complained a lot about how her hospital was making her see too many patients, how the patients were rude to her, and how she had to spend her "free time" at home on paperwork she didn't have time to do while at work. I was not happy feeling like I was less important to her than a job she didn't even enjoy. I might have felt otherwise if she absolutely loved her job. (She did see being a doctor as an important duty, and when we talked about this she was hurt that I saw it as a negative because from her point of view it was an example of how she was loyal and dedicated.)

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 day ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

    What they say: "Here are the reasons I can't see you today."
    What we hear: "Here is a long list of things that are all more important to me than you are."

    I'm just cutting her off now mid-sentence. "Can you make it for 3:30 today? Yes or no? If no, when can you make it?"

    Probably not going to last long at this rate.

    But yeah, definitely within the realm of personal choice, as far as psychology allows.

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