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[–] 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 child)

You're ruining my plans to say "I'm going for a pack of smokes" was actually my sleeper agent activation code.

That's really why daddy has been gone for 20 years, I was undercover for the CIA and they required me to reassimilate a bachelor lifestyle. I'd like you to meet my partner Crystal Diamond, that's her codename. I know she's your age, but she's shown a lot of promise as a new agent.

We both have been staking out a strip club hideout. A front for a terrorist organization. I know this is hard to understand but that's why I use most of your child support money there, to defend our country.

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