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Anon's dad tries to bond (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 month ago by [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 5 points 1 month ago (1 child)

How can you be sure they don't care? Could it be, instead, that they know it'll just be a pain in the ass to get you to do what they want, so they don't bother even if it'd make them happier? They're appeasing you so they can still have a relationship with you. You are refusing to appease them. Your child sounds more mature than you do.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago* (1 child)

    How can anyone be sure of anything outside of what their actions tell us?

    You're bang on my kid sounds more mature than I am but in fairness to me it's a low fucking bar.

    What I will impart is that when they told me about being trans it was a good month before they told their mom not because he knew I would be more accepting but because I genuinely do not give a shit. I will love you unconditionally. We joke in my house that unless you're a furry I don't care what you are (and then yes, I make it very clear even if you were a furry I would still love you but will judge you harshly).

    I think the big problem here which came up elsewhere is twofold.

    1. This conversation exists outside of all additional context of my life and my kids life. People are pontificating on something in isolation.

    2. Online is not offline. People are assuming that what we are typing here is the reality when it isn't.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    I think you're missing the point though. If you actually don't give a fuck, and it would be something that they appreciate, why not change what you call them? Isn't that the right thing to do? If it actually cost you something then fine, there'd be an argument to not do it. Also, if you cared about it then there'd be an argument to not do it. Since you've said you don't care, why not just do it? If you can make your kid just a little happier, at no cost to yourself, why wouldn't you take that opportunity?

    I wish I could say you're being selfish, but you aren't even doing that. It doesn't benefit you to not change. It's just spite I guess. You think it effects who you are to be nice to your child in a way that doesn't effect anything else.

    Yeah, we don't know what the reality of the situation is. We only know what you've said. What you've said though is uncomfortable to hear. I don't like hearing about parents choosing to not do things that make their kid's life a little easier for absolutely no reason. If you actually don't care about what your child is called, and if you care about doing what's right for your child, then change. It's free, and I'm reasonable sure your child will appreciate it, probably more than you could realize. They obviously still want to be around you and don't want to make you uncomfortable, so return the favor.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago (1 child)

    The only thing I'm going to pick at here more as food for thought. Talking with my psychologist this morning. I feel there is benefit to the fact that as example for me having ADHD as a kid life was tough and we had to learn how to manage because the world doesn't give a shit. I firmly believe we lost that along the way.

    Do not mistake my being tough with a lack of caring.

    The question I would ask you. Were you trans would you rather learn to deal with ignorance and advocate for yourself with someone you know or trust or from the world which will fucking bury you if given the opportunity? Personally I'd choose the former.

    Now all that said this is online conversation and in no way expresses the complexity of reality so please take that for what it's worth. You may be assuming something that in no way matches reality.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    I agree that we've lost some "education" in conflict handling. For example, I think people should get their asses kicked for doing things society doesn't agree with, like neo-Nazis. That can't really happen anymore because there's too much surveillance, and it's technically illegal. Things like the "no tolerance policy" have made this worse too, where defending yourself is the same as attacking someone.

    On you're question of learning to deal with ignorant assholes, no, I think I'd rather have parents that support me, because there's already far too many ignorant assholes who will treat them poorly. There's no need for a parent to add to that. They'll learn that lesson soon enough, if they haven't already. If they could choose one or the other, then sure, your option is better. They don't though. They will be bullied and mistreated for it outside of the home. The least that could happen is for them to be able to come home and be welcomed for who they are without judgement.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago

    I know it's a tangent but one gripe I had this morning was due to society changing it is not more acceptable for me, a dude, to wear a dress to work than it is shorts on a hot day.

    If I wear a dress everyone will ignore and at most talk under their breath because of a fear of not being inclusive or whatnot but if you wear shorts "oh that's not corporate policy you can't do that.". It's utter bullshit.

    Regardless I bet we would agree on far more than we would disagree on and I do strongly agree a lot of the problems today are due to people not being beat up when they say racist/homophobic/hate speech.

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